The Woman in the Mirror: How to Stop Confusing What You Look Like with Who You Are

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Body esteem refers to how you think and feel about your physical appearance: your size, shape, hair, and features. Self-esteem refers to how you think and feel about your personality, your role in relationships, your accomplishments, and your values-everything that contributes to who you are as a person. The Woman in the Mirror goes beyond typical self-esteem books to dig deep into the origins of women's problems with body image.

Psychologist Cynthia Bulik guides readers in the challenging task of disentangling self-esteem from body esteem, and taking charge of the insidious negative self-talk that started as early as when you first realized you didn't really look like a fairy princess. By reprogramming how we feel about ourselves and our bodies, we can practice healthy eating and sensible exercise, and focus on the many things we have to offer our family, community, and job. Bulik provides us the tools to reclaim our self-confidence and to respect and love who we are.

Cynthia M. Bulik lives in North Carolina. Being successful is involving getting all that you sought to have. It's discovering that you have attained your objectives or fulfilled your strategies and it's rousing up in the morning feeling victorious rather than feeling defeated. The resulting feelings success delivers will make you wander with pride in the roads with your head up high while being thankful and comfortable. In contrast to common beliefs, there are no successful or failed individuals but on the other hand there are men and women who have the potentiality to be successful and who do tasks that facilitate them understand this capacity and there are many people with the same possibilities who wont do those things.

The only thing you need to have to do to be a success is to do exactly what successful people did. When you go through and through all of the understanding you will get the mind-set of a successful man or woman and this will help you attain success. I've read quite many guides on the level of interpreting how body image plays a part in affecting one's self-esteem, sometimes overtaking it in ways that can lead to a myriad of serious conditions such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, among others. Considering the obesity epidemic being a prevalent problem in modern American society, and the growing lack of physical activity and the obsession with weight in popular culture, I find body image and self esteem interesting topics exploring I've read quite many guides on the level of interpreting how body image plays a part in affecting one's self-esteem, sometimes overtaking it in ways that can lead to a myriad of serious conditions such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, among others.

Considering the obesity epidemic being a prevalent problem in modern American society, and the growing lack of physical activity and the obsession with weight in popular culture, I find body image and self esteem interesting topics exploring among many different groups - male and female, younger populations as well as older. It's a topic that's near and dear to my heart, and something in my respective studies and field that I've always wanted to learn more about in any capacity. I think what interested me in "Woman in the Mirror" was the combined approach of examining body image and self-esteem as unique to a woman's life cycle, and then tackling techniques to defeat the negative perceptions and self-talk that women may have in relation to this.

Cynthia M.

The Woman in the Mirror

I appreciated the insight on the transitions from elementary to middle school, high school to college, and then a woman's working years even to the "AARP" age. There are a lot of general examples and case studies given here to elucidate Dr. Bulik's point - some of them touching on wide stereotyping, but I think it's clear that she recognizes experience and the particular stages of life have distinct factors that can affect a woman's image of themselves. At the end of each chapter in the first part of the book, she provides readers with interactive tables they can use to examine negative thoughts and ideas to take with them about how they view their bodies at a particular time in life.

Then, in the second part of the book, she uses those ideas as prompts to introduce ways of combating negative self-talk, which I thought was a great inclusion for a self-help guide. It's perhaps my favorite part of the work because it touches directly on certain techniques to use and apply.

Overall, it was an interesting and insightful read, and while it gives a general spectrum on the juxtaposition of body image and self-esteem, it bears mention that it makes you think about the societal issues and impact that comes with it, as well as how to address them in order to live a healthier, happier life.

Jun 10, Jo rated it it was amazing. We are never good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, tall enough, then enough. If our skin is dark, we lighten it; if our hair is curly, we straighten it. We look in the mirror and say things to ourselves that we would never say to other people.

How to Stop Confusing What You Look Like with Who You Are

We wound ourselves with our own words. Our self insults aren't just about looks, although appearance might be the number one target. Women are experiencing a self-esteem crisis. Even the ones who seem self-assured on the surface are often paralyzed by We are never good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, tall enough, then enough.

Even the ones who seem self-assured on the surface are often paralyzed by self-doubt in the privacy of their own thoughts. We think if we were thinner, fitter, taller, less wrinkled, or more put together, We feel better about ourselves, the more powerful, the more lovable, and be more successful. So we try to fix what's ailing us on the inside with a diet, a nose job, implants, Botoxexpensive anti-wrinkle cream's. And new shoes. We go to great links and expense to change our bodies and dress them up to fit some external notion of what's ideal. Yet for all the diets, cosmetics, and procedures, we are no happier with her bodies ourselves.

Mar 30, Barb Hansen rated it it was amazing. I love this book. It has some practical exercises that get the reader to do some self-reflection and increase awareness so changes can be made. The work of eliminating "fat talk" is difficult, necessary and on-going - but important I love this book.

The work of eliminating "fat talk" is difficult, necessary and on-going - but important and well worth the efforts. It would be surprising if every woman could not relate to this topic and her examples. It left me feeling more empowered and with a renewed sense of obligation to set a positive example related to body esteem. Highly recommend this book. Jan 11, Becca rated it liked it. I really struggled with this book.

I think it was a great topic and concept, but the author often sounded like she was on a soap box and ranting, and it was chore to read. I only stuck with it because I was really hoping, wanting, expecting to learn something useful that I can apply in my own life. I did eventually, but not until around page For a book that is supposed to help us improve our self-image and body-image, I found myself in very, very negative space as I read this. Maybe it just I really struggled with this book.

Maybe it just triggered a lot if issues within me on my own body image lord knows there are plenty to trigger. I would have like to see a much more encouraging tone. Jun 21, Elyssa Gosling rated it it was amazing. As a teenager of many confidence issues and self-esteem problems, I found this book intensely valuable for my everyday life. I find myself not detailing every little thing wrong with me now, and just looking at the bigger picture.

I can enjoy life a little bit more each day, and I find myself using the charts and tips in the book. Aug 16, Ruth rated it liked it. A very high 3. This is pretty much required reading for any woman in our society. Sep 24, Katy rated it liked it Shelves: know-my-value. The average amount of thoughts a person has every day is about fifty-thousand. It's a little scary to think of how many of those thoughts - good and bad - are under our control. Too often and so easily our perceptions of what we think about ourselves when we glance at ourselves in the mirror, interact with other people, or see in the media puts our brains on automatic.

How much of our daily responses to our environments, past, and relationships come from having a healthy or unhealthy outlook on The average amount of thoughts a person has every day is about fifty-thousand.

The Woman in the Mirror | Cynthia Bulik, Ph.D.

How much of our daily responses to our environments, past, and relationships come from having a healthy or unhealthy outlook on ourselves? It's hard to tell. When I was fifteen, my self image was absolutely horrible, but it's gotten better over the years. Yet as I reach 30 in three or four years, or look at myself compared to what I see on social media, I can't help feel what everyone probably does at some time: highly self-criticizing and unkind.

It doesn't help that I was literally born a perfectionist, people-pleaser and has loads of anxiety especially social.

The woman in the mirror : how to stop confusing what you look like with who you are

When I found The Woman in the Mirror, it was a nice revelation. The first part of the book breaks down the social and personal barriers that creates self-image and body esteem specifically with eating disorders and how critical self-judgement from toddler to adult morphs over the years. The second part of the book gives insight in how to be your own coach and talk to yourself, create fat-free zones, and stop the automatic responses our brains have in falling for rude criticisms or overly-obsessing what we think other people might think of us.

Cynthia specifically makes a point to address eating disorders throughout this book, but it's also about body image, how we see ourselves in the mirror, and what to do when things trigger us to think about ourselves or play the comparison game. Even though I had eating disorders when I was a teenager, and those type of thought patterns aren't ever truly cured, I'm not sure I quite connected with the first half of the book as the author went through the ages and how each stage typically for women but she does bring up boys and men too is affected by their social and personal environments in how they think about themselves.

I identified much more with the second half of the book dedicated to, honestly, how to be nicer to yourself with your thoughts. Cynthia walks readers through identifying areas in your life that make you feel bad about yourself, how to prepare for moments when you might feel yourself comparing your body to someone else, or dealing with people and environments that criticize you.

It was illuminating to see that some of the things I've done in the past but given up on coaching and motivating yourself through stressful situations doesn't make me as crazy as I thought was. Cynthia M. I appreciated the insight on the transitions from elementary to middle school, high school to college, and then a woman's working years even to the "AARP" age. There are a lot of general examples and case studies given here to elucidate Dr. Bulik's point - some of them touching on wide stereotyping, but I think it's clear that she recognizes experience and the particular stages of life have distinct factors that can affect a woman's image of themselves.

At the end of each chapter in the first part of the book, she provides readers with interactive tables they can use to examine negative thoughts and ideas to take with them about how they view their bodies at a particular time in life. Then, in the second part of the book, she uses those ideas as prompts to introduce ways of combating negative self-talk, which I thought was a great inclusion for a self-help guide. It's perhaps my favorite part of the work because it touches directly on certain techniques to use and apply. Overall, it was an interesting and insightful read, and while it gives a general spectrum on the juxtaposition of body image and self-esteem, it bears mention that it makes you think about the societal issues and impact that comes with it, as well as how to address them in order to live a healthier, happier life.

Jun 10, Jo rated it it was amazing. We are never good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, tall enough, then enough. If our skin is dark, we lighten it; if our hair is curly, we straighten it. We look in the mirror and say things to ourselves that we would never say to other people. We wound ourselves with our own words. Our self insults aren't just about looks, although appearance might be the number one target. Women are experiencing a self-esteem crisis. Even the ones who seem self-assured on the surface are often paralyzed by We are never good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, tall enough, then enough.

Even the ones who seem self-assured on the surface are often paralyzed by self-doubt in the privacy of their own thoughts. We think if we were thinner, fitter, taller, less wrinkled, or more put together, We feel better about ourselves, the more powerful, the more lovable, and be more successful. So we try to fix what's ailing us on the inside with a diet, a nose job, implants, Botoxexpensive anti-wrinkle cream's.

And new shoes. We go to great links and expense to change our bodies and dress them up to fit some external notion of what's ideal. Yet for all the diets, cosmetics, and procedures, we are no happier with her bodies ourselves. Mar 30, Barb Hansen rated it it was amazing. I love this book. It has some practical exercises that get the reader to do some self-reflection and increase awareness so changes can be made.

The work of eliminating "fat talk" is difficult, necessary and on-going - but important I love this book. The work of eliminating "fat talk" is difficult, necessary and on-going - but important and well worth the efforts. It would be surprising if every woman could not relate to this topic and her examples.

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It left me feeling more empowered and with a renewed sense of obligation to set a positive example related to body esteem. Highly recommend this book. Jan 11, Becca rated it liked it. I really struggled with this book. I think it was a great topic and concept, but the author often sounded like she was on a soap box and ranting, and it was chore to read. I only stuck with it because I was really hoping, wanting, expecting to learn something useful that I can apply in my own life. I did eventually, but not until around page For a book that is supposed to help us improve our self-image and body-image, I found myself in very, very negative space as I read this.

Maybe it just I really struggled with this book. Maybe it just triggered a lot if issues within me on my own body image lord knows there are plenty to trigger. I would have like to see a much more encouraging tone. Jun 21, Elyssa Gosling rated it it was amazing. As a teenager of many confidence issues and self-esteem problems, I found this book intensely valuable for my everyday life.

I find myself not detailing every little thing wrong with me now, and just looking at the bigger picture. I can enjoy life a little bit more each day, and I find myself using the charts and tips in the book. Aug 16, Ruth rated it liked it. A very high 3. This is pretty much required reading for any woman in our society. Sep 24, Katy rated it liked it Shelves: know-my-value. The average amount of thoughts a person has every day is about fifty-thousand. It's a little scary to think of how many of those thoughts - good and bad - are under our control.

Too often and so easily our perceptions of what we think about ourselves when we glance at ourselves in the mirror, interact with other people, or see in the media puts our brains on automatic. How much of our daily responses to our environments, past, and relationships come from having a healthy or unhealthy outlook on The average amount of thoughts a person has every day is about fifty-thousand. How much of our daily responses to our environments, past, and relationships come from having a healthy or unhealthy outlook on ourselves?


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It's hard to tell. When I was fifteen, my self image was absolutely horrible, but it's gotten better over the years. Yet as I reach 30 in three or four years, or look at myself compared to what I see on social media, I can't help feel what everyone probably does at some time: highly self-criticizing and unkind. It doesn't help that I was literally born a perfectionist, people-pleaser and has loads of anxiety especially social. When I found The Woman in the Mirror, it was a nice revelation. The first part of the book breaks down the social and personal barriers that creates self-image and body esteem specifically with eating disorders and how critical self-judgement from toddler to adult morphs over the years.

The second part of the book gives insight in how to be your own coach and talk to yourself, create fat-free zones, and stop the automatic responses our brains have in falling for rude criticisms or overly-obsessing what we think other people might think of us. Cynthia specifically makes a point to address eating disorders throughout this book, but it's also about body image, how we see ourselves in the mirror, and what to do when things trigger us to think about ourselves or play the comparison game.

Even though I had eating disorders when I was a teenager, and those type of thought patterns aren't ever truly cured, I'm not sure I quite connected with the first half of the book as the author went through the ages and how each stage typically for women but she does bring up boys and men too is affected by their social and personal environments in how they think about themselves. I identified much more with the second half of the book dedicated to, honestly, how to be nicer to yourself with your thoughts. Cynthia walks readers through identifying areas in your life that make you feel bad about yourself, how to prepare for moments when you might feel yourself comparing your body to someone else, or dealing with people and environments that criticize you.

It was illuminating to see that some of the things I've done in the past but given up on coaching and motivating yourself through stressful situations doesn't make me as crazy as I thought was. And, there are tools I want to continue on with in the future. I still think I have long way to go in terms of how judge myself, but after reading this, I'm more receptive to ideas that "HEY maybe the way you're reacting to seeing photoshopped images doesn't equate to who you are as a person". If I could, I would've given the second half of the book to a younger version of myself. I gave this a three out of five stars because I feel, as some others pointed out, a lot of the book's tone fits for parents needing assistance with identifying how their self-worth might affect their kids negatively and what to look out for, while the angle for individual women changing their body esteem is weaved throughout.

Mar 22, Bree Taylor rated it liked it Shelves: , nonfiction. The first part of this book chronicles the different age and developmental stages women go through. Bulik highlights what may be typical in each stage.



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