You Cant Fix Everything: A Husbands Perspective On Dealing With Breast Cancer

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The Michigan couple — college sweethearts in their early 30s and parents of a young daughter — have struggled with everything from keeping their marriage together to keeping their finances in check ever since Tammy first felt the lump in her breast in early A short time later, she was diagnosed with stage Invasive Ductal Carcinoma and DCIS breast cancer she credits her doctor for moving quickly to diagnose her. Jordan says he has been wracked by fear, guilt and anxiety, standing by as his wife as she endured a hysterectomy and double mastectomy, breast reconstruction and an emergency egg harvest — paired with the unrelenting medical bills on top of the couple's mortgage and student loans.

Strategies for Couples Coping with Cancer -

Still, he has learned a lot as a witness to his wife's battle, especially as she has worked to help other women by blogging her cancer journey and creating an awareness campaign called Forgotten Fighters to advocate for lowering the screening age for breast cancer. These are Jordan's photos from his family's battle with cancer which capture every hard-won step his wife took towards getting healthier.

Tammy had been having chest pains, so she went to get them checked out. She jotted down her appointment in orange crayon on the back of an envelope. That's what our life was like in that moment — she was very much a mom.

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The day I found out, she was at the cancer facility, and I was home taking care of our daughter, Corryn. I was a complete nervous wreck.

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I couldn't sit down, and I could hardly function. The second I saw Tammy, she just looked at me and nodded her head yes. I fell into a heap on the couch and just started bawling my eyes out because I was just like, There's no way this is happening to us. The doctors told her that it was very serious and they wanted to move on it quickly. Tammy had to have a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy.

We had three days to decide whether we were going to have more kids. Do we do an emergency egg harvest? Everything just hit, one thing after another. I felt betrayed by the universe, so it was hard to be supportive for Tammy because I was so upset. My mind would go to the darkest place possible — losing my wife.

I wish I could've been the strong, silent type, the kind of person who just could take it and separate myself a little bit more, but I didn't do that. It hasn't been my shining moment. Still, I tried to keep things running on the home front with the house and Corryn, and I did my best to shield Tammy from the many cancer references that would send her into an emotional tailspin.

You don't realize how many there are in everyday life until you try to make them all go away for someone. The reminders are everywhere. One of our infusion nurses said to us: "Cancer has the ability to make or break a marriage. Many women simply want to be able to hand off household duties so that they can focus on receiving treatment and getting well.

Bonnie says that Bill took the initiative and started doing laundry, household chores, meals, and more. In addition to helping out at home, Delisa says that partners can play a valuable role in gathering information and helping patients make informed decisions. Be there to gather information, weigh the pros and cons, be a sounding board, and help formulate questions.

One Woman Diagnosed With Breast Cancer Interviews Someone in Remission - SELF

For him this means attending yoga classes regularly, where he can breathe and find peace. There is no shame in this. This will ensure that they are healthy enough to continue providing support. Living with Cancer. Your partner may need someone to care for them, but they also need the safety of the relationship that existed prior to diagnosis.

Husband Documents What It's Like to Watch His Young Wife Battle Cancer

Bill and Bonnie seemed to instinctively understand this. They have tried to keep life as normal as possible.

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They have maintained their date night—every Tuesday night a friend babysits for them so that they can attend yoga class and then go out to dinner together. Tips for Caregivers. If your spouse or partner has cancer, here are some important things to remember:.

Men Against Breast Cancer. Need support for your support? The workshops focus on a problem-solving intervention called COPE, which is an acronym for creativity, optimism, planning, and expert information. Thus far the workshops have been offered in 36 states and Canada and have helped more than men learn new tools for effective caregiving. For more information visit www.

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General Psychosocial Aspect Topics. Metastatic Breast Cancer. Neuroendocrine Cancer. Psychosocial Issues. Side Effect Management. About Us. All rights reserved. All Rights Reserved. CURE does not provide medical, diagnostic, or treatment advice. Currently Viewing.