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7 Habits of Highly Effective Couples - Verily
We circle at the summit. Habit 3: Put First Things First How Can You Listen for Understanding? Build a Framework of Effective Communication Habit 6: Synergize The third habit you need to build a framework of effective communication is: Habit 6: Synergize We can work together. When you and your spouse creatively work together, you synergize.
Build the Protection of Unselfish Companionship The first habit you need to build the protection of unselfish companionship: Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw Sharpen the Saw means to take care of you and your marriage. Build the Protection of Unselfish Companionship The first habit you need to build the protection of unselfish companionship: Habit 8: Lifting Yourself by Lifting Others The Elements of Kindness 1. Choose kind words. Speak in a soft tone.
Give rather than take. Gives and Takes Why do marriages succeed or fail? Amazingly, we have found that it all comes down to a simple mathematical formula: no matter what style your marriage follows, you must have at least five times as many positive moments, GIVES , as negative moments, T AKES , if your marriage is to be stable.
You just clipped your first slide! But just because it's harder to do doesn't mean it should be ignored. In fact, "marriages in which men don't accept influence from their wives are at a much higher risk for divorce," says Diane Gehart , professor of marriage and family therapy at California State University, Northridge.
Research from the Gottman Institute even found that when men don't do this, their marriage has an 81 percent chance of failing. But just because men are usually the ones to struggle in this department doesn't mean the ladies get off scot-free.
Men inherently want to feel understood too it ties into their need to feel respected by their partner , so both parties should try to walk in the others' shoes when working on a problem. When you're having a chat with your husband and suddenly go from an emotional zero to sixty, that's not a good sign.
Doing so drives your partner away, explains Gehart, because it immediately shuts down the possibility of having a productive conversation. And unfortunately, women are the usual culprits. We know it's way easier said than done, but if you tend to yell or use a harsh tone every time your husband grates your nerves, try to pull back — otherwise you could instigate his defense mechanisms, which halts his ability or willingness to talk openly and honestly.
And if he's not being real with you — and only hearing your anger or irritation — then what's the point? Once an argument gets going, it can be hard to stop it from spiraling out of control.
But disengaging makes it easier to resolve problems, because you can then talk more calmly and compassionately, says Cole. If you don't, you're more likely to find yourselves yelling, crying, or freezing each other out — and that can have a literal effect on your body. So sometimes you literally can't speak coherently, even when you try. It can actually make the difference between a productive, solution-oriented talk, and one that sends you deeper down the rabbit hole.
If it becomes a habit, that tunnel isn't going to lead you to Wonderland, but Divorceland. Even when you're trying to look totally calm, your body often betrays how you're really feeling.
The Intersection of Knowledge, Skill and Desire
A few subtle cues that tip experts off to problems: A high-pitched voice, dilated pupils, and a slightly paled complexion — and they all usually come with that classic, fake smile and rigid movements. When you regularly fall into this — rather than just letting loose and telling your partner how you really feel about the fact that he invited your mother-in-law to stay for an entire week without even asking — then you create a pattern of refusing to be emotionally honest, Johnson explains. That automatically shuts off the possibility for him to understand, support , and potentially correct the problem with you — and instead tips the relationship into even more distress and distance that could ultimately derail a marriage.
When crickets replace conversation — and yes, bickering, because no two people will agree on everything all the time — experts say your relationship could be dying a slow death. G ive some Vitamin F2 every day. What is Vitamin F2, you ask? Flirt and Fun.
And yes, I just made it up. How about giving some every day to the love of your life? Laughing together and keeping that spark of flirtatious love alive will add a little joy to every day — even the hard ones.
These 7 habits will make the hard times easier to manage and fill the good times with so many happy memories that you can lean on those memories and good feelings when the hard times come. Join the club! Start your day off right with an uplifting second message delivered to your mailbox for free. Toggle navigation.
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