But what do you do if something unplanned happens? When life happens. Often times it happens unexpectedly. I think it would be callous to say I did, when I knew it would be over in seven days. But what I did feel was compassion and appreciation. It was a valuable reminder to always be grateful and never pass quick judgments, because you never know when you may be in the same situation.
Sometimes people just need someone to walk with them. Thank you to Katie Dewitt for sharing her insights on the issue of poverty within our community. But how do people do it? In my early work on empathy with Allison Barnes, we considered empathy as a kind of emotional analogy in which people consciously recognize systematic similarities between the situations of others and their own past experience. You felt sad and regretful in your own remembered episode, so you analogically infer that she also feels sad and regretful.
However, this is only one way to empathize with other people, which I will call the analogy mode. A more direct and physical way to feel empathy is via mirror neurons, a process first discovered in monkeys. The monkey therefore experiences arm raising just by watching another monkey raise its arm. Similarly, people have neural activity in brain areas associated with pain, just by observing another person in pain.
Your empathy does not require a verbal process of analogical comparison, just the perceptual stimulation of mirror neurons. This process is the mirroring mode of empathy. I recently realized that there is a third mode of empathy that is just as important as the other two. The realization resulted from reflection on the theory of close relationships developed by Sandra Murray and Richard Holmes in their insightful book, Interdependent Minds.
They describe how relationships such as marriages can have difficulties because people work with unconscious rules about how to interact in ways that build trust and commitment as opposed to mistrust and disillusionment. Because Murray and Holmes express these rules in language, it is puzzling why people cannot easily recognize their own rules and the rules used by others. The explanation lies in recognizing that the rules people use are not just verbal but depend heavily on perceptual and emotional representations.
For example, the rule IF rejected THEN withdraw is laden with perceptual and emotional content, for example the emotional pain of being rejected and the physical movement of withdrawing. The arrow indicates a causal relation, not just the verbal if-then. The third mode of empathy consists of figuring out what others are feeling by using your non-verbal unconscious rules to simulate them. This process is more dynamic than simply recognizing their situations by neural mirroring or analogical inference, because you can use a chain of embodied rules to make inferences about their ongoing experiences.
This process is the embodied simulation mode of empathy. The analogy, mirroring, and simulation modes of empathy can be complementary, because a good friend or skilled psychotherapist can use all of them to develop a rich understanding of another person. These deliberate, automatic, and dynamic modes of empathy can all help you to understand other people by putting yourself in their shoes.
This is your brain on empathy. Of course the outcasts would join together. And once I understood, it wasn't that the author was trying to bunch all these kids together, rather it was that the kids were bunching themselves together. The kids knew the pain the others were suffering. The book started off rather slow, but picked up speed from there. It is probably a 3.
- in somebody’s shoes!
- Put yourself in someone else's shoes - Idioms by The Free Dictionary.
- For A Price;
- WHAT IS THE EMPATHY MUSEUM?!
- Why It's Important To Put Yourself In Someone Else's Shoes.
- Into the Looking Glass?
- Similar Books.
I really loved Izzy. The name of the book both refers to walking in someone else's shoes figuratively, but also the theme of shoes runs through this because of a poor choice Izzy made in footwear in the beginning of the story. Likable, human children. Sad situation. And human adults.
Well done. Thanks to Netgalley for making this book available for an honest review. Sep 11, Chesca rated it really liked it Shelves: young-adult , read-in Based on the book's page on NetGalley, Someone Else's Shoes was meant to be a about suicide prevention and metal health but, honestly, I think they failed to portray that well in the story. All we got was a glimpse; it was never fully discussed and dealt with. Instead this book is about children coping with issues they have with their single parents, such as the possibility that their mom or dad could get involved with somebody else eventually.
It's also about how kids may feel invisible and would do unusual things to stand out and be noticed. But most of all, it's the story of finding friends and families in the unlikeliest of people. I was halfway through the book before I got to the promised problem in the synopsis and Uncle Henderson finally!
The search for him was a fun and very brave adventure, I admit. It was reckless and almost impossible, but who am I to judge? I've never attempted one like it. The character's issues could have been more diverse. Both cousins were struggling with their parents, their dads in particular; Oliver's dad was mourning his wife's suicide thus neglecting his son most of the time, while Izzy's has a new family and so she was feeling neglected as well. There's also Ben, Dr. Gustino's son, who also has his own reasons to rebel against his dad who's dating Izzy's mother.
What I liked best is that the author smoothly developed the characters and their relationships with each other. The three children matured very well along the way and began to understand things differently, seeing the goodness that wasn't apparent at first. Despite all the things I wish was improved, I really enjoyed this book. Do I recommend it? Yes, definitely! View 2 comments.
How do three sort of broken young people start to reassemble themselves? They make some bad choices, go on a road trip, and most importantly, they find each other and learn to open up about their losses. At first she seemed a little selfish. However, as she opened up more, I discovered she was also hurting. She did change quite a bit from her experience, and I saw it happening, bit by bit, and each time, I was quite proud of all the progress sh How do three sort of broken young people start to reassemble themselves?
She did change quite a bit from her experience, and I saw it happening, bit by bit, and each time, I was quite proud of all the progress she made. Oliver's was probably the most devastating, but I like that Wittlinger didn't make Ben and Izzy's "losses" seem like non-events, because they weren't for them.
The different degree of loss also gave the other characters some perspective, and helped them work through their issues.
I like how it put that "in someone else's shoes" thing into practice. Men are so often portrayed as "strong", and this father wore his grief on the outside, in full view. Sometimes we need to see things like this. It was an opportunity to see a different side of Ben and Izzy, as well as, finally see Oliver release all the pent up anger, fear, and sadness he had been hiding from his dad. They discussed the mother's existing mental health issues and her battle with them, while also standing behind therapy and medication as a way to deal with grief and depression.
So, thank you, Ellen Wittlinger for that, and for the cute comedy bits in-between, which gave this story balance, and kept it from being too heavy. Overall: A tender and heartwarming story of grief and loss, but also of connection and healing, which thoughtfully tackled some very big issues. Feb 28, Kate rated it really liked it Shelves: netgalley-arcs. Meet middle grade readers' new best friend: Izzy! I can guarantee you've never seen a seventh grader quite like her. Her house and world, usually filled with only herself and her mother, is now home to her uncle and younger cousin who are grieving in the aftermath of her aunt's Meet middle grade readers' new best friend: Izzy!
Her house and world, usually filled with only herself and her mother, is now home to her uncle and younger cousin who are grieving in the aftermath of her aunt's suicide. Izzy is chafing at the intrusion, as well as the sting of her father's second marriage which seems to be pushing him further and further out of her life. Her only friends were away for the whole summer and came back completely changed.
As if all of that weren't enough, her mother is dating a dentist with a tattooed delinquent for a son. What's a budding stand-up comic to do?! It's hard for some books to address just one of these difficult topics well, let alone a host of them. But from the beginning, I appreciated Wittlinger's unflinchingly approach to all the problems facing Izzy and her family.
In particular, the book handles the topics of depression and suicide openly and honestly. That in itself is rare, and should definitely be applauded. Her characters' takes on divorce and abandonment are likewise refreshing. When I was a bookseller, I can't tell you how difficult it was to find a book to recommend for children dealing with some of life's harsher realities, but this title should be on every bookseller's list-- not to mention school counselors, therapists, and librarians! Thank you to NetGalley and Charlesbridge for providing a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
Aug 21, Becky Ginther rated it really liked it Shelves: coming-of-age , grades , realistic-fiction , family. I had really enjoyed another book that I read by Wittlinger Saturdays with Hitchcock , so I was excited to get an advance copy of this book and read it. Like that one, it's an easy read with an interesting plot and good characters.
It also deals with some heavy topics. The three main characters in the book end up spending time together because they're all forced to live in the same house due to their circumstances - Izzy's parents are divorced, Ben's parents are divorced, and Oliver's mother com I had really enjoyed another book that I read by Wittlinger Saturdays with Hitchcock , so I was excited to get an advance copy of this book and read it.
The three main characters in the book end up spending time together because they're all forced to live in the same house due to their circumstances - Izzy's parents are divorced, Ben's parents are divorced, and Oliver's mother committed suicide. The three of them end up on a crazy road trip with an important mission, and despite being very different they ultimately bond over their losses and struggles in life.
I really liked all of the characters but especially Ben. While I enjoyed it overall, the major downside to this book for me was seeing how totally not understanding the adults were. I know this is a common theme in children's books, and in the real world for that matter, but it felt like the book was trying to say that Izzy had parents who did care about her - they just didn't act like it. Her parents are divorced and when her dad announces that his new wife is going to have a baby, both mom and dad expect her to be happy about this and just get frustrated with her when she's upset.
Telling your 12 year old that you're going to have a new little half brother or sister? Don't you anticipate that being pretty rough for her? Not surprisingly, Izzy is very worried that her dad who has already been preoccupied with his new wife won't have any time for her anymore. And this is something that seems to come up a lot with many of the issues that she's dealing with. As an adult, it is frustrating to me to read that because I'm going "how can you not realize why your kid is upset???
I just didn't find her jokes very funny. Maybe kids will, but they felt pretty overdone or just corny. Regardless, overall the book was a good read and I thought she handled the sensitive topics really well and created realistic kids who are going through some tough times. May 11, Karlyn Leslie rated it it was amazing Shelves: middle-grade-fiction , young-adult. Thank you to netgalley partner for the advance reader copy of Someone Elses's Shoes by Ellen Wittlinger. Even the dedication got me: "For every comedian who has ever made me forget, even briefly, how heartbreaking life can be.
This novel delves into the complicated em Yes! This novel delves into the complicated emotions of a seventh grade girl struggling to come to terms with the serious changes in her life. After her aunt commits suicide, Uncle Henderson and his son grade 5 come to live with Izzy and her mother. Izzy is also dealing with the divorce of her parents, her father's new wife and baby on the way Izzy is confused about how her relationships are changing at school Has she changed through all this adversity? This is a lot to deal with. Some may feel there are too many issues packed into one novel, but I disagree.
Kids today seem to be dealing with far more complicated issues than I ever had to as a middle grader. Kids need to connect their own feelings to imperfect characters and witness the way they cope with problems, make mistakes, and become more resilient. This is why Izzy's story is so important. Her emotions are raw, especially when it comes to her aunt's suicide. Izzy's mother said Aunt Felicia's depression was an illness, and that mental illness was not that different from physical illness.
It's surprising what Izzy learns about herself when she chooses to make up her own mind about someone, instead of believing the gossip and opinions of her peers. Wittlinger writes with such emotion and voice, allowing us to explore our perceptions of mental illness, then laugh out loud three pages later so you never really feel weighed down. She's like the old woman who lived in a shoe I will definitely be purchasing a copy for our K-8 library.
Someone Else's Shoes by Ellen Wittlinger
May 06, Ms. Yingling rated it really liked it.
- Step Into Jen's Shoes.
- TRUE LOVE?
- How to Walk a Mile in Someone Else’s Shoes.
- More on Odyssey;
- put (oneself) in (someone's) shoes.
- Cognitive Rehabilitation Therapy for Traumatic Brain Injury: Evaluating the Evidence?
- Life Minus 3 1/2.
ARC provided by publisher at ALA Izzy is very interested in comedy, perhaps because her own life is anything but humorous. Her parents are divorced, and she rarely sees her father, who lives a distance away and is busy with his new wife. Her mother is a bit stressed, and dating Izzy's dentist, Dr. Her Uncle Henderson and young cousin Oliver are living with her after the death of her aunt by suicide. Her uncle, a musician, can barely get out of bed, and Oliver misses both of his parents a ARC provided by publisher at ALA Izzy is very interested in comedy, perhaps because her own life is anything but humorous.
Her uncle, a musician, can barely get out of bed, and Oliver misses both of his parents and acts out frequently. When Dr. Gustino must travel to be with his mother, who has fallen, his son, Ben, ends up staying at Izzy's house as well. Ben can't be left alone because he is angry that his mother left the family to move to California, and has been spending a lot of time with his Uncle Steve.