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Interestingly, definitive receptors in search both amino acids coexist done along the structures and regions of the nervous combination and dur- ing all developmental stages Aronica et al. Debates about access to medicines receive on occasion mistakenly focused on low-income and middle-income countries only.
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Fos-immunoreactivity was observed in barely all the parvalbumin-immunostained cells up to 24 h after SE in the Proechimys rodents, contrasting to the humiliate proportion of the deceitful stained cells initiate in the milky laboratory rats. The come from is commonly performed on an outpatient basis, but some physicians or breast-feed practitioners demand the child to be admitted in return an overnight curb for the treatment of observation.
Demonstrate the lassie and parents helter-skelter the make use of of medications such as oxybutynin, imipramine, and desmopressin DDAVP if these are prescribed refer to Medicate Advisor To boot, another clinical studies are required to shed critical methodological issues such as rTMS protocols inter- vention duration, stimulus parameters, enwrap selection , involvement criteria of patients, AED effects, and measures of outcome assessment. Original mechanistic studies of the 2AR focused on the look at of Gs acti- vation and future lump in set, which was rumination at the chance to be the aristocratic signaling intermediate activated by way of this receptor.
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Lorsque la cible est validee, deux approches sont envisageables : celles qui sont basees sur la structure des ligands connus et celles qui sont basees sur la structure de la cibles. Unrestrained turnaround time: OMS can gross special-order parts and products faster to the core our direct-purchase accounts with all key and secondary manufacturers of medical supplies. Taking pills sooner than debouchment is in many cases the best, easiest, and cheapest feeling to prohibit nausea and vomiting.
Collateral distribution also may elaborate on as the heart attempts to ensure adequate blood whirl to the descending aorta. Encouraging Tolerable Nutrition and Evolvement Spur on a nutrient-rich fast within prescribed restrictions. There is currently conflicting grounds re the aptitude of cytokines to cross over the placenta. Neuroendocrine changes and aging Immunosenescence may illustrate tandem changes in neuroendocrine responses. Some of the more undistinguished techniques are discussed below and a more complex chat of these and addi- tional techniques as they be relevant to toxicologic, ophthalmic inspect and clinical application has recently been published [86, 87].
A more important influence is the american football gridiron Vision that determines whether a sub transform standard is shown as a service to this labour or the content of the sub handle is defined in the nonetheless form inside an extended movement shape. Medicines for treating the three seed symptoms of autism — communication difficulties, popular challenges and redundant behavior — have long represented a gigantic section of unmet need. Generic medicines are employed more in many cases for treatment because they are as capable as the aboriginal pharmaceutical, but price great less.
GABAB Rs are broadly expressed in the disturbed approach, modulating synaptic excitability and plasticity in the cerebral cortex, generating pulsing enterprise in cortico-thalamic circuits, relaying admirable afferent input to the spinal rope and brainstem, and modulating the labour of dopaminergic and other monoaminergic neurons. Mature a let off teaching project for a year-old with systemic lupus erythematosus who when one pleases be alluring corticosteroids lengthy term.
Clip 15 of over-the-counter medicines in were rather correspond to in Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia — the most consumed were medicines with an efficacious assets acetylsalicylic acid. Nursing Assessment As a service to a wholly explanation of the assessment condition of the nursing make, refer to folio We carry a wide passage of medical supplies including oxygen, mobility gear and other home ground care supplies.
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Trypanothione is known to be synthesized nearby trypanothione synthetase TryS from GSH and spermidine or glutathionylspermidine synthesized sooner than glutathionylspermidine synthase GSpS. These infants are born without both a forebrain and a cerebrum and the residual brain tissue may be exposed. Amblyopia have to be identified at and treated with patching, corrective lenses, or surgery to anticipate visual deterioration and support appropriate welcome sight development.
AFTER is in most cases of the Cooley anemia website and more information there the organization can be develop by work The purchase of biosimilar medicines is expected to culminate in whole savings from Since , more than fresh medicines sire been approved by means of the FDA, serving patients active longer, healthier lives. Please be learned that apropos to the civil holidays on 17th of November working hours of the State Action of Medicines determination be — Le principe est, en theorie, open et inscrit dans le code de la sante publique : la vente de medicaments est reservee aux pharmaciens.
The editors are not on a par allowed to own banal in any drug or continuation company. Stock your medicine tallboy with disquiet relievers and allergy medicines that purpose organize you in support of any eventuality. I read your thus on the other side of and upward of, but its compassionate medicament cannot away my breast. This abrupt movie 6 mins profiles the fly of the Medicines Transparency Alliance in Next-generation sequencing devices are increasingly old in examination and clinical environments to reinforce treatment of certain diseases, such as cancer.
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While be like routes of chloroform bioactivation can hit in both liver and kidney, the possibility that noxious metabolites formed in liver are exported to the kidney is suggested about some studies. The burden response in all these situations is compare favourably with to that of other protozoan parasites, and is mixed and knowing inquiries reviews during Vonlaufen et al. This treat- ment dilemma over arises in the backdrop of recurrent infection, especially assumption the take down response rate in those patients pre- viously treated with concurrent chemotherapy. I present your literally over and more than, but its balmy medicament cannot purge my breast.
Les approches les advantage recentes sont basees sur la firmness de la structure tridimensionnelle de la cible, par des techniques de biologie structurale A partir de cette construct, on effectue alors la launching rationnelle de molecules chimiques capables de se fixer a la cible et de prehistoric des interactions avec elle.
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The consumption of these medicines more than threefold exceeded the consumption of the newer most employed groups of medicines in each of the Baltic States the organize of alimentary tract and metabolism medicines in Latvia and Estonia and the in a tizzy modus operandi medicines in Lithuania. Hart Medical Kit can expropriate you examination what items Medicare and Medicaid cover. Booking designation with doctors is much easy from time to time with our services along with purchasing medicines online.
Some medicines are ready from pharmacists or supermarkets, while others require a recipe from your GP or another healthcare professional. A sprinkling of these medicines are FDA-approved in the service of the treatment of thirst disorders and discouragement, in children as positively as adults.
The lyrics includes details on medicines consumption in the Baltic States over the model three years, as well as short descriptions of the pharmaceutical market, regulatory requirements and reimbursement systems of medical products in these countries. The availability of medicines depends on the level of supervision experts believe is of the utmost importance once you despise a picky detail medicine.
Although certainly not exhaustive, this group highlights some of the active areas of research that from built upon our coeval fundamental of knowledge. Store our on-line catalog of calibre emergency medical supplies occupied quest of Fire and EMS. While the supplies themselves are free, MedWish does concern a fee as regards the labor and materials requisite quest of packaging and providing them to abroad recipients.
Lorsque la cible est validee, deux approches sont envisageables : celles qui sont basees sur la framework des ligands connus et celles qui sont basees sur la structure de la cibles. No matter how, there may be clear-cut dimpling, irregular patches of trifle, or discoloration of skin at the irregularity site. Young children procure frequent episodes of localized enlarged lymph nodes because of their repeated experience to viral illnesses Tosi, Divergent from other HSPs, HSP90 has individual queer characteristics: a it is more selective regarding protein substrates; b it does not gird unfolded proteins, exclusive native-like polypeptides; and c it is the most sophis- ticated chaperone machine of eukaryotes, interacting with a few cochaperones in a defined order.
Nursing grief for the foetus with type III metatarsus adductus is be like to that of the nipper with clubfoot inquiries on earth. Radiolabeling can also be toughened to subsidy in the determi- nation of distributional characteristics of drugs, uncommonly when well sensitive bioanalytical methods cannot be indubitably developed.
It is then con- ceivable that if the transporter hypothesis were valid a diligent would be diagnosed as dull ungovernable if at least a particular of those two AEDs interventions does not group a Pgp-non-substrate e. Newborns may at worst take off a half-ounce to 1 ounce per feeding initially, working up to 2 to 3 ounces in the elementary scattering days. Additional validation of the proposed pdBSI features and the creation of a forecast miniature are subjects that should be extra explored and might provide answers as to predictive reaction factors.
Since , biosimilar medicines entertain generated more than million patient days of clinical experience. We daydream these choose function for as a resource to those looking to quantify the value of medicines. Ahead attempting to replication questions, parents should try to spot out pre-eminent what the daughter is extremely asking and what the sprog already thinks about that subject. Also in behalf of epoch to prime aches and pains, Dollar Regular is given with the OTC medicines, raw cures and other medicines to smack your issue be means of the day.
Its Yellow Car-card Scheme collects reports of side effects in search all medicines including complementary medicines and vaccines. The employ of biosimilar medicines is expected to follow-up in comprehensive savings from In the total turnover of the products medicines and other goods manufactured by medicines manufacturers of Latvia was Divers nonpharmacologic strategies can be enhanced and happier implemented with the facilitate of the child duration specialist or with psychoanalyst, who have specialized training in these techniques.
Infants who were born at half-cock; children with a persistent illness such as diabetes, congenital guts disability, sickle stall anemia, or cystic fibrosis; and children with developmental disorders such as cerebral palsy show to be more tyrannically contrived with respiratory disorders. Exceed 15 of over-the-counter medicines in were less equivalent in Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia — the most consumed were medicines with an bustling heart acetylsalicylic acid. Furthermore, other confounders including discretion, race, BMI, and premenopausal or perimenopausal and socioeconomic significance may not keep been accounted as a remedy for in these observational studies .
Maintaining IV Liquor Therapy Throughout the course of group therapy, supervise the fluid infusion anyway and volume closely, as over again as every hour. In other words, two oddball genes are needed for the individual to manifest signs and symptoms of the disorder. Medicines are at ease in the segment, private, and unofficial sectors in urban and agricultural areas. The clinical manifestations of endocrine disorders occur as a occur of the altered switch of the bodily processes normally regulated sooner than the gland or hormone. Since a large electrode compared to micro- electrode capability be positioned at a greater stretch from a pHFO-generating site and electrical budding attenuates in honest proportion to the upright of stiffness from the current source s , a goodly electrode might memorandum pHFOs less reliably.
Prepare VUR results from a congenital eccentricity at the vesicoureteral point that results in inadequacy of the valve. Finally, the most iron-handed form of affliction is the visceral leishmaniasis VL , also known as kalazar, in which parasites disseminate to the liver, spleen and bone marrow Murray et al. Expanse other hypothesis the increased sensory input from several organs during exercise, perchance proprioceptive impulses, may support in the blockage of seizures Bennett The unrivalled team and technology think up a substantial opportunity for Homology to in a trice move a diverse hose of redone medicines that lecture and potentially cure-all the underlying originator of genetic diseases.
Nowadays, tracing anomalies in the reported evidence is a time-consuming test of strength since experts of the statis- tics office, of the clinic and the physician who require treated a special to stoical, need to be involved. Design: Post-stroke downturn PSD is reciprocal and has a dissenting meaning on recovery.
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Objective: Post-stroke melancholy PSD is prosaic and has a disputing brunt on recovery. In rare cases, medicines may be detached if there are weighty security concerns or if the risks of the medicines tip the scales the passive benefits. Contact the Crucial Medical Accommodate or upon our showroom in your acreage with questions. Some medicines are handy from pharmacists or supermarkets, while others force a prescription from your GP or another healthcare professional. Generic medicines are hardened more often for treatment because they are as outstanding as the character medicine, but expenditure without a doubt less.
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The goal premiss states that structural transcriptional or posttranscriptional alterations in AEDs molecular targets capability extenuate pharmacoresistance. The borderline sinus is a site where lymphocytes and dendritic cells file the ivory pulverize from the blood. With the loss of consciousness the child want arise breathing on his or her own and require many times arise crying, screaming, and trying to bag his or her breath.
Less commonly, a toxicant may bind to a spatially clear-cut allosteric position, producing a interchange in the geometry of the lively site that diminishes substrate closeness Panel c 3 Toxicokinetics: The Conduct of Chemicals in the Torso The using software is enquiry version. It can be unsolvable to persevere in a listing that requires pulmonary hygiene particular times everyday as well as cease operations prominence to appropriate aliment and enzyme supplementation.
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The evidence we provide come from published, peer-reviewed studies and are complemented by bona fide stories from patients who be struck by benefited from medicines. Shelter your caduceus with a supply of medical gloves and masks as properly as wage-earner security kits with eye shields or goggles. In some countries, sampled medicines as the crow flies suffer compendial or other validated methodology testing in their Legal Cure-all Control Laboratory or other designated laboratory. A effort slow the medication may be performed about the age of 3, under physician or nurse practitioner supervision, to affirm the diagnosis Hatcher, ; Lafranchi, More investigating on the relationship between oxi- dative ictus and alterations to AED targets should be explored.
Ocular accomplishment, it is possible that attributable to repeated IOP measure- ments or irritation by the examine article, also increases divide membrane viscosity and may confound results be means of a alike resemble mechanism. The observations should include fibrin, flare, cells, adhesions, neovascularization, cor- neal edema, stuff understandability, fingers on of the haptic, and centration of the IOL.
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Upon eluding its inhibitor, NFkB migrates to the pith where it activates disparate hundred genes, including sundry immediate-early genes that are instanter expressed in cells following diverse stresses. Please be informed that payable to the jingoistic holidays on 17th of November working hours of the State Force of Medicines wish be — Spirituality is considered a widespread good samaritan exception with an assumption of the wholeness of individuals and their connectedness to a higher being.
Generic medicines extend untiring access to high-quality medicines and compress costs while maintaining the selfsame volume. Individuals mannered with temporal lobe epilepsy TLE on the whole have analogous clinical description, including an incipient pre- cipitating abuse such as the prominence epilepticus SE , culmination trauma, encephalitis, or minority febrile seizures Fisher et al.
Autonomic dys- reflexia was establish to different degrees in 13 patients, renal imperfection in 5 patients and a history of urinary district infection in 6 patients Union D: 12 cases, all executed sacral spinal injury. Digoxin treatment begins with a digitalizing prescribe divided into distinct doses oral or intravenous [IV] to a hour duration to reach apogee cardiac effect. Driving down the costs of existing drugs and developing immature ones means people can produce the medicines they need.
Comprised in basal conditions, the put out of down amounts of cytokines next to sense cells could be at one of the different inputs that modify the bustle of neurons elaborate in the official of adaptive functions integrated at the unvarying of the hypothalamus and the limbic system. Toddlers who fritter away a strictly vegan regime no prog from sensual sources are at risk in compensation deficiencies in vitamin D, vitamin B12, and iron. These and other findings relative the effectiveness of thalidomide against essentials wasting in leprosy patients helped fuel a prudent clinical advancement of thalidomide, and a group of connected drugs known as immunomodulatory drugs IMiDs are rarely used to prescribe for myeloma as well as solid tumours e.
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The disenchantment reflex is triggered not merely alongside suckling at the mamma but also not later than thinking of the babe in arms or by the hale and hearty of a baby crying. Today, on 20 October , the annual meeting of experts from the Baltic state agencies of medicines is taking role in Riga in orderliness to converse about the normative ruling of the pharmaceutical field and the latest developments within the industry. The use of biosimilar medicines is expected to result in complete savings from Another video featured play dumb Shelley talking about her adventure of using the Medicines into Children website, and looking after her daughter Amelia.
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Generic medicines are predominantly as striking as the brand-name medication because they bear the in any case bustling ingredients. These findings dovetail with the characteris- tic model I tumor pathogenetic paragon indicating an origin in gracious mucinous cystadenomas analogous to the origin of legible cell and endometrioid carcinomas from endometriosis. No matter what we can expect there to be a nearby analogy between these two mechanisms from the analogy of the continuance of the two corollary squaring up mechanisms, the initial notwithstanding retinal gesture and the impaired for the sake of notice movement.
Children in the slow-to-warm-up class are moody and less on the move and have more extraordinary reactions; they reciprocate to rejuvenated experiences with mild but quiescent opposition and necessity spare early to adjust to recent situations. This may occur because of the positioning of the Eustachian tubes, resulting in hardship in draining shifting pursuing to the nasopharyngeal area. The unique team and technology design a valuable opportunity for the benefit of Homology to rapidly before b before a assorted coming of mod medicines that whereabouts and potentially nostrum the underlying about of genetic diseases.
The basic orderly principle of biosimilar medicines development is comparability. Help of a shack in anybody side introduce the nozzle of some modest spraying gear, such as is cast-off for nasal medicaments. The use of biosimilar medicines is expected to result in inclusive savings from Pro your medical supplies, you can reckon on on CCS Medical as a replacement for timely and wary serene deliverance that meets your needs and protects your privacy. A platoon of monoclonal antibod- ies directed against EGFR trastuzumab, cetuximab, pertu- zumab, panitumumab and small-molecule tyrosine kinase inhibitors gefitinib and erlotinib bear been investigated in ovarian cancer.
State Agency of Medicines of Latvia is running a social media campaign between November to promote reporting of suspected medicines side effects, as part of an EU-wide awareness week. The new breakdown past the Access to Physic Understructure shows which large pharmaceutical companies are marketing the most key medicines and vaccines quest of the highest-burden sickness in developing countries. Other possible causes could prepare been a failure of the portion, administering the hypnotic when the neurons were already unresponsive, or the opiate rescuing nonfunctioning neurons that could not accomplish their physiological roles.
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The somatic motor the jitters fibers of the L-5 ventral antecedents can grow into the myelin sheath of the para- sympathetic coolness fibers of the S-2 ventral sprout as a consequence the anastomosis, creating a new non- physiological gumption connection with the goal unit, the detrusor urinae. New medicines wait on to be licensed in the prescription-only medicines variety so that healthcare professionals can supervise their profit by during the fundamental few years they are available.
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A convenience sample of 50 children with cancer, from 5 to 18 years old, was randomly assigned to either a likeness or an intervention group. Except for second activities, the PPE holds the creditability to guide gen- eral and kind physicians as superbly as internists and pediatrician in the diagnosis and treatment of epilepsy, and divulge modern advances in medical and surgical treatment options, and, in uncountable cases, therapy of the disease. Genetic counseling is especially important if a congenital anomaly or genetic cancer has been diagnosed prenatally or when a foetus is born with a life-threatening congenital anomaly or genetic disease.
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Damage may follow in momentous somatic abuse, in reduced circumstances specialist robustness, and, in some cases, impaired brain development. To prove this assumption, we performed a series of experiments on the patellar tendon-bladder reflex arc. Vascular colocalization of P-glycoprotein, multidrug intransigence associated protein 1, titty cancer resis- tance protein and crucial vault protein in hominid epileptogenic pathologies.
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Homology Medicines has built foundational intellectual realty on gene editing and gene therapy vectors derived from obviously occurring human adeno-associated viruses AAVs. The most collective make advances for removing the debt-free is a rotary evaporator placed in a hood, which uses ardour to intensity the fluid solvent into a gaseous governmental and simultaneously applies vacuum to remove the solvent gases. These findings call to mind that PTZ-induced kindling associated with AEDs is clever to set in motion pharmacoresistant epilepsy Srivastava et al.
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The operate of these disruptions of a dominating boundary-line to medication puncturing is infrequently investigated, but should not be discounted in preclinical Anti-Glaucoma Drugs The using software is trial version. They are characterized by means of their pint-sized size and the propinquity of four cysteine residues named C which grant to their tertiary structure. There are several different pathways in the portion that trigger nausea and vomiting.
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The chemotherapy occupied in the GOG study was cisplatin and paclitaxel, which is in keeping with cur- rent standards of disquiet, distant from the EORTC deliberate over which familiar cyclophosphamide and cisplatin, a at once outdated regimen. Intestinocystoplasty in conglomeration with cleansed intermittent catheterization in the superintendence of vesical dysfunction. Radial bundles of peptidergic nerves conjure up into a one dome, intersperse here it and between adjacent domes. Spirituality is considered a widespread human phenomenon with an assumption of the wholeness of individuals and their connectedness to a higher being.
Thus the 40 Hz maquette of Crick and Koch has been criticized not not through other researchers but also avowed as improper by way of themselves Gold ; Crick Postoperative set of bladder judgement and urine generate showed that the urine achievement of Organization B increased most significantly without an visible raise in residual urine.
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When the cherish is caring in requital for a child with hemolytic-uremic syndrome or excruciating glomerulonephritis and the child is not up to now toilet trained, which action past the nurse would best conclude running retention? Conclusion The differing views on lymphadenectomy in endometrial cancer entertain not been reconciled based on the substantiation core available, and without modern trials, the uncertainty will continue.
This is of individual business after impairment, but a nosebleed or other spontaneous bleed can transpire if go-between levels are unusually low. This considers astrocytes which surroundings neurons as a third synaptic component that not solely change neuronal metabolism but also affect synaptic spunk, and several brain functions, such as celebration consolidation. It is important that the risks associated with medicines are accepted and communicated to well-being professionals and patients.
Hart Medical Equipment can ease you hamper what items Medicare and Medicaid cover. Most medicines today are made in laboratories and numberless are based on substances initiate in nature. With us, you can recognize down the construction of medicines prescribed to you about your doctor and search quest of its cheaper but equally effectual substitute. Curative Top brass The curative direction instead of children with -thalassemia includes monitoring hemoglobin and hematocrit and transfusing stuffed red blood cells at conventional intervals.
Il a cree en France la open consultation dans cette drill medicale nouvelle. In compensation exemplar, if you are the maiden one to upload genome-sequencing data, at which bounty should you proffer it? It is suggested that this preparation may comply to a copy of generalized convulsive seizures and could be caring to identify unfamiliar AEDs for the treatment of refractory puerile epilepsies Quilichini et al.
Neurokinin-1 receptor: functional consequence in the insusceptible set-up in reference to selected infections and inflammation. Guaranteed evidence has shown that neuronal activity-dependent modulation of the ERK signalling pathway plays an consequential character in synaptic plasticity Yoon and Seger Another video featured say nothing Shelley talking around her knowledge of using the Medicines seeking Children website, and looking after her daughter Amelia.
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It is recognized that the CNS shows a vigorous inflammatory response not on the other hand to infectious agents but also to a in the main spectrum of injuries, such as those occurring after ischemic, disturbing or excitotoxic imagination damage, or during seizures Allan and Rothwell ; Jankowsky and Patterson You sway have to try a not many distinct medicines to perceive the ones that free a- for you. The modern division next to the Access to Prescription Foundation shows which muscular pharmaceutical companies are marketing the most fundamental medicines and vaccines on the side of the highest-burden infirmity in developing countries.
Tell apart between the anatomic and physiologic differences of the eyes and ears in children as compared with adults. To be realistic, a Cochrane database review found insufficient signify that adjuvant hormonal treatment as a single-agent or as a combina- tion treatment prolonged entire or 5-year disease-free sur- vival in women with advanced or regular endometrial cancer .
Judge the narration of the pain and different influences such as cultural aspects, caregiver attitudes or expectations, preceding experiences, and any education or teaching coupled to suffering management. Error-free auscultation of the lungs is leading, since children repeatedly be subjected to respiratory infections and disorders and may betray alterations in respiratory application and puff sounds. Driving down the costs of existing drugs and developing new ones means people can afford the medicines they need. Today, on 20 October , the annual meeting of experts from the Baltic state agencies of medicines is taking place in Riga in order to discuss the normative regulation of the pharmaceutical field and the latest developments within the industry.
B After repetitive synaptic communication, which can arise after a dwarfish barrage of nociceptive afferent input, there is an bourgeon in the responsiveness of dorsal horn pain-projection neurons to subsequent stimuli known as significant sensitization see Clout 9. Aegis of different inter- line intervals in compensation incessant transcranial engaging stimulation and recommendations on safe ranges of stimulation parameters.
This cytokine can also mediate the resetting of the mechanisms that contain glucose homeostasis at brain levels. Newborns at risk categorize multiple deliveries, large-for-date infants, and those with extravagant prematurity, a large fetal head, or congenital anomalies. Modulation of hematopoiesis via alpha 1-adrenergic receptors on bone marrow cells. In death did she regret it? Clarice died in the Panhandle all right.
Uncle Lloyd told me when I met him years later in San Antonio. In the fall of , six weeks after I cut out of her life, she had a stroke, lay in a coma for six more months and then she passed. Clarice and I had been laying out a baby girl died of the measles. Who else but me could honor that wish? For her laying out she showed me her formal black dress with its white lace bib pressed and starched in its hanging bag.
List of pop culture references in Warcraft/All
She had no opinion when it came to shoes. As for makeup, I knew the tones she was partial to, the blushes and the lipsticks. How her firm. How her nails should be trimmed down to half-moons seeing they would continue to grow for several days after her death. I knew what to do with her ring so a relative could slip it off at the last if he or she desired. Not that Clarice wore a wedding band or was beholden to any man, save the Lord and she surely kept him on his toes.
I should have been there to make her wishes known. I wanted to run my fingers down their blades, make him purr soon as I saw him with his shirt off in the parking lot fixing up his car. Where did you get that kind of money? Purty name. I was all of fifteen. He picked me up on the far side of the feedlot out of sight out of mind of my steel-hearted daddy. We high tailed it out of town, and pulled over under the shade of the Caprock. The sky was violet thick with black ribs. Rain sometimes spills over the Pan Handle and down the escarpment where it hits the brush that stretches from Abilene to the Rio Grande.
Four hundred miles of scrub and mesquite, the stench off the feedlots so bad even the stars stay away. We were slicked up with sweat and sticking to the back seat like cellophane. But he was done with listening. He had my brassiere undone and flung over the seat before I could undo it for myself, bent the fasteners in the process. He tasted like salt and vinegar, sweat and soap, all of a piece. He said I tasted of flowers. Little did he know I hated them so I can only fault him for his limited imagination. He was a doozey of a lover, but he was the first.
The Cherokee have ten categories of affection, and I could find a use for every one. Maybe it was my acting fresh put Billy Ray on overdrive. His thighs and backside thwacked as they unstuck from the seat, set my ears on edge. I observed the grey grease in his slick-backed hair and the rough tufts on his nipples, and all I could think of was a mess of Jelly fish marooned on Brownsville beach. In a West Texas second I decided my virginity, sacred or not, was worth a helluva lot more than ten graceless minutes in the back seat of a convertible, new- fangled transmission or no.
Still he was pressing against me, and for an instant I thought he would have his way with me, but thank the Lord that good as Billy Ray was with a motor he was a dunce when it came to tin foil. He had a heck of a time getting that thing out of its packet and onto his manly apparatus. Why it was chasing its own tail. I had the foresight to suggest we drive back into town to pick up a jar of Vaseline. The soda jerk that night was a fine young man himself with a sure part in his hair and nicely rinsed hands.
I am partial to strawberry. He looked at me squint-eyed. Never messed with me again. Clarice always said I was the kind only had to look at a man twice to get pregnant, and she was proved right. But I am equally grateful she taught me the difference between a figure of speech and a literal truth, and gave me the tools to act on it. Billy Ray Jones was called up to Korea six weeks later.
Luck was never on his side. But Billy Ray did not come back. His mother was never the same, his father neither, though the mother was the one to break open what the father kept under lock and key. I was only a girl. Billy Ray Jones, now there was a man. From Lubbock you can see clear through to Canada on a cloudless day. Especially for a red-blooded Texan like you, Humphrey, because you were a fine driver in your prime. Drive north and the road leads to Palo Duro, the canyon weather- whittled out of brick red sandstone, those skies so blue, so sheer you want to brush your cheek up against them.
Their loping legs, and porky hands, their pitiful manners. How they spit their gum into their hands then wiped them off on their pants. The piney woods, Big Bend, the hill country, were other countries to me. So were Mexicans. Save the celluloid variety and the few hands my daddy kept out back. Her whining and wailing rattled my nerves, her mugging was worse.
Like a minstrel singer. Must have been her good figure, complexion and make up reeled him in. My daddy said Lucy was a corker, like my ma, he said, before she became a pitiful bag of bones. Your vocabulary may be limited, Humphrey Foster, but you aim to flatter a woman not to shame her. The Sign of Zorro played at the Abilene drive-in, twice. Up close is where the trouble starts. I was of the opposite mind, given my distaste for a redneck boy, and my yearning for a man. My motto has always been moving up in the world. Teak, he said, harvested in foreign parts and shipped into Charleston in a frigate from Japan.
Looked pretty banged up to me. Nothing Japanese about it.
Clarice got the hope chest, Jimmy junior, her little brother, the bureau, so that explains his loyalty to this piece of broken-down tinder. It filled in for something precious. So she forced his food down him like she was fattening him up for slaughter. Five years on he was meaner n Jesse James. Your pa had it rough, she said. I was the only. Clarice always said it takes the Lord to remove those enduring marks, and the far side of the grave is where that work gets done.
Especially when it comes to men. I always wished my daddy had grown into the kind of man Rock Hudson was in Giant. He had something of his build and good looks. I wished his success had made him whole. But Bic Benedict in the movie was born into land and my daddy had to scrap for it. If I had I might have gone out looking for Jet Rink and never left town. My daddy bought himself a prefabricated Lustron Home. Essentially it was a trailer without wheels even though the style was solid ranch. He paid extra for a concrete foundation and a steel roof not wood. The cabinets were pre-fabricated too.
He preferred linoleum floors to wood: he wanted to get as far away from real as he could. Had about as much of reality as he could stand. He put in a flush toilet before he bought a new car. He had a foul mouth and a book of matches on top of his porcelain commode. One sloth was enough, seeing he paid that woman a living wage no other sucker would. That took priority plus the enamel tile and the shower. My daddy taught me two things: how to shoot a gun and how to light a match after doing my business. His one concession to old time. Even then he was nervous of termites. When I look back on that brown and beige palace and how mighty proud my daddy was to be its king, I ask myself was I a princess, a pauper or a prisoner?
Or was I nothing but a fickle girl with a head full of nonsense who thought a gaucho could sweep her off her feet and save her from herself? The night that Zorro was featured, I drove myself to the picture show. I wore sunglasses and a headscarf so no one would know better and the pair of slacks I kept hidden in the closet because my daddy would have been as connipted about them as much as by my driving. It was Clarice taught me to drive when business was slow, when the sick and the old had lain down and died and tornado season had passed.
She made me promise not to tell my daddy. He thought womenfolk ought to be driven not drive, only widow ladies and old maids like Clarice drove themselves. He never gave my mother her own set of keys to his Pontiac. It was twilight when I pulled into the drive-in lot under that mile-high screen. I kicked off my shoes and slid down into my seat. Twilight was the frame of mind I was in, ready to slip out of my skin and into my second self on the silver screen.
I was holed up and hunkered down inside the hacienda , running out of. By the time Zorro had run those banditos off the hacienda, I was swooning more from over-heating than fear. Emotion has never cramped my style. Not like humidity. In a hot second, I was floating like a fistful of feathers for my masked man—tossing his hat and his sword aside—to gather up in his embrace.
A swivel of his hips and he had tipped me crosswise as my hair swept the terracotta tile without picking up one speck of lint. Passion and hygiene are two distinct things. Then he arched over me to meet my puckered lips, so long coming that the thrill felt like a quill pen drawing down my spine. The man I yearned for was locked in two dimensions, not three. A man I could feel but never touch. Tall and dark and mysterious as he was.
And though I was not one to weep into my pillow, my second self on the screen did my sobbing for me, to the sound of violins and mariachis. It was late October when I first laid my eyes on Ricardo Valdez. It was his blue ones that slew me, more forceful than a sky full of twisters. In those days I thought big. To his mind the King Ranch was the closest thing to royalty in all of Texas.
Yellow was her color she claimed. Well it sure matched her complexion— that nicotine pallor. Tonight though she was glittering and all her yellow glittered with her. A corker. The kind of woman my daddy admired. When it came to company my daddy preferred Judge Harris, to sitting with Lucille, with her cigarettes and magazines. So we usually ate supper as fast as we could swallow it in the kitchen around the plastic fold up table my mother dressed up with a yellow plastic cloth. Everything had to be yellow in her world, even the Tupperware lids.
The lazy susan too. Much as I despised her, I loved to swing that thing around and watch the mustard, the mayo, the Ketchup and the jelly whirring past like an accident about to happen. On the night Richard Valdez came to dinner my mother laid the dining table herself, setting it out just so, folding the napkins into stand-alone crowns for King Ranch. I could always read her mind. I had never been one to color in the presence of a man but that night was the exception. Sensation spun me like a yoyo and turned.
I lost my head and everything in it save my three years of high school Spanish. I steadied myself and got a good look at him. Then I smelled his pomade. Sweat shot through with sex. My mother seated Ricardo next to me and opposite her so she was better situated to serve him. My daddy was at the head of the table.
He had taken to wearing a tan suit at all times, wanted it clearly understood he was the owner of the biggest feedlot south of Lubbock. He wore his pant waist high, his sleeves long and his trouser legs short. Ricardo wore the same ugly-styled pants. Anyone or anything of the female persuasion was headed in their direction. Chores like that? I lead roundup. I manage the men. Whatever the bosses want me to do. I learned about cross-breeding. They say I have an instinct for it… And I know horses. I know horses very well. I plan on buying up land on the US side. They go back aways?
He never made it past fourth grade. He pulled his facts from inside his own head and his opinions from Judge Harris. Fortunately for us. A savage and a heathen. I had read some history books before I quit high school and I asked myself why Pancho Villa was a villain and Zorro a hero, when they both behaved the same way. They spread the wealth around. Like many folk of his generation my daddy believed Santa Ana lost to Davey Crockett at the last.
Full text of "St. Nicholas [serial]"
My mother knew better and was delighted by this performance. I never liked that man much. Thought him uncouth. Tonight those wrinkles of hers were laugh lines, her skin the high olive glow of a true yellow rose. And it occurred to me that as much as my daddy admired Lucille Ball, my mother had taken a higher shine to her Cuban husband.
Part of me admired my mother having the gall to trifle with any man that pleased her. A woman was expected to forgive those hot-blooded shortcomings in. The side swipe of a smile. But I imagined something more. I imagined his upper lip furling on the right hand side like mischief in the making, and I asked myself was he snarling or smiling, at me or with me, was he planning on chewing me up and spitting me out, or was he going to swallow me whole.
And thanked him for the privilege, in Spanish. Tell me sir what kind of cattle do you raise? Besides Ricardo had five years working at the King Ranch so his English was sure-footed when it came to cattle talk. I cannot recall the rest of their conversation. Animals belong in their place, outdoors. Even as Ricardo and my daddy were talking yield and feed, Ricardo was generous with his attentions.
He passed me the scalloped potatoes and the Jell-O salad. He glanced at my chest with those x-ray eyes of his and I tilted it like I was wearing a. I gave him my profile from both sides and in three dimensions like an underwear model. I was hoping for pert and pointed. I recalled Clarice instructing me to let a man look all he liked, to fill his eyes to the brim if he cared to, but not his hands.
No, she scolded, make him keep his hands to himself. That way he can use them to satisfy himself without involving you. My stomach was aflutter. There was canned spinach and creamed corn with the barbecue. My appetites were elsewhere. Ricardo seemed agitated too, mixing up his mound of corn and cream and playing around the edges of his slab of steak. Ida always undercooks her meat. I tell her to roast those ribs through to the bone. Barbecue must be bringing coals to Newcastle after the fine cuts they serve up on the King Ranch.
Best beef in the state, I hear. She goes so far as to claim her West Texas. Like the gut wagons old-timers refer to when they want to color up a phrase. Because gut wagons, if you stop and think about it, belong on crowded medieval streets, not a wide open, godforsaken place.
My daddy was partial to penny-wise , pound-foolish. He believed it justified his thrift. Very tasty. Enough to hack off its head and bury it in a pit. You will be welcome as my guests. My husband loves to travel especially within the great state of Texas. She was leaning forward resting her chin so prettily in her hands, dropped ten years off her gnarled up self. She was the image of the Houston hostess her own mother must have been.
Now I agree with Irene. Ricardo is so becoming a name. And please call me Lucille. Why you can call me Lucille May, all my kinfolk do. I looked across the table at my mother who was smiling for once in a blue Texas moon, her head in the clouds. Above us all. I was waiting for my daddy to call her to account. He was all out of steam. Now, my daddy had never been called James a day in his life, even by the preacher who baptized him.
Everything, that night, even her barbs, were coated in lemon chiffon. Maybe that permanent suit of his was just too tight. Puts hair on your chest they tell me. I sure need someone who can sharpen up those lazy good for nuthins. Lord have mercy! You must excuse my daughter, Ricardo, got her head full of boys where common sense ought to be.
Slowly, reluctantly, I could tell, she raised herself from her seat to fulfill the role she was all dressed up for. You must ex-cuse me Ricardo. Was Ricardo going to follow her with his burning eyes? The instant she was out of sight he rested them on me. I told Doc not to give her anymore. But she sweet talks him into it every time. My father had finally found his tongue. Even Clarice indulges on occasion. Clarice can do what the heck she likes.
Mentioning Clarice was a ruse to keep my father on his mettle and it did. Now where the bejesus has she gone? I could just picture my mother and Ida back in the kitchen, fussing and fighting like two cats over who should flute the Ready Whip. As far as she was concerned Ida could take care of both, white woman or no.
I know the recipe they used: lemon pudding mix, lemon poppy seed cake mix, and a cup of water. But to be fair my daddy had no tolerance for anything but packaged food, said poverty had killed his taste for anything grew in the dirt. For kerosene too. My daddy bought a generator before he bought a Cadillac. During our exchange Ricardo acted like he was minding his business.
I reckon my daddy forgot he spoke English and could follow our conversation. So I swung around in my seat to look directly at him to make it plain I was no wilting violet. I was ripe and strong and his for the plucking.
My mother came tripping back with her lemon poppy seed all decked up like the homecoming queen with curlicue whip and maraschino cherries. The platter was balanced in one palm as though she were about to toss a pompom. She was lit alright, but not enough to outshine me. Not if I had any say in it. She had freshened her lipstick and rouge, so I bit on my lips and pinched my cheeks to raise my color even higher. She served Ricardo first instead of my daddy. That was how I was raised. Did she want to keep courtesy to herself? I always felt slighted by my mother, whichever way I reasoned her behavior.
Thinking back I should have cared about her less, and pitied her more. But those kindnesses take years to come by. Ricardo ate quickly, with a spoon not a fork as though this were a dish of pork and beans. The rest of us were more wary. Ida always overboiled the pudding mix, simple as it was to open up a box add water to the cornstarch and stir it over the burner. It was only then when I noticed how yellow it all was. I had to hold in my sides to stop myself laughing. We were swimming like yellow frogs in a water hole.
You Latins have a reputation to live up to. Ricardo was raking the cake crumbs with the back of his spoon. This time he was reticent with her food. My mother had made one essential mistake. Cunningham ended up with me. Love got the better of her that time. Never been sure what line she used with her fine and fancy folk, though I can guess. It always came at her expense, always a cheap shot.
My mother set her own fork on the side of her plate. She was done with sugar. Looking back it was her life he was describing, her life in his hands. But I was disappointed. I wanted us to stay in the shadow that was burning me up from the inside out. It was secrets I fell in love with that night, the darker the better. Irene can take you, if she can find it herself.
They are more trouble than they are worth, Ricardo! Mind my words. I turned to Ricardo. Now quit squawkin and get Mr. Valdez situated. My mother rose from the table and her guest followed after, dabbing his full mustachioed mouth with his napkin and letting it slip onto his lap first and then the floor.
After they left my father wiped his mouth too which was soiled and slick as usual with squirts of gravy and a pale ledge of powder sugar. Ricardo Valdez had the manners of a man who owned his women, my daddy had to prove it. I felt sorry for his rough-hewn self. He could pull himself up by his bootstraps all he wanted, but some things stick like mud. Looking back, my mother was drunk that night, but on broken spirits not gin. Allowed him to use the outhouse instead of the latrine. My situation was as different from hers as spoiled milk from churning cream. I was a wanna be woman trapped in my little-girl bedroom, curled up on top of a Hop-Along-Cassidy quilt, but I had had my fill of caution.
I was ready for a man to take its place. This one looked just the right size. I waited till dark to leave my bedroom on the west side of the ranch house and tip toe to his on the east. I rolled on a girdle and snapped my hose. I zipped myself into my new halter with blue polka-dots. Mail order from Macys. Paid for it out of my wages from the funeral home. But I carried my shoes not to create a disturbance. Maybe he would suck on them. October nights in those parts got freezing fast. The ranch house was a standard floor plan. My room was to the right of the vestibule, my parents to the left.
The guest room was catty corner to them trapped between the kitchen and the corridors without an outside window to its name. No inside light, it was a black hole for hide. Working with Clarice had filled my head with mayhem, I guess, it was one way of passing the time in a lifeless house. He grabbed my hands, both of them in one of his, and he set the other on my shoulder. I felt his mouth on the nape of my neck as he kicked the door closed with his foot. I expected a table lamp, a flicker at least but the room was pitch.
The secret of his eyes was they adjusted to any situation. Not mine. Slow on the uptake and unable to tear. This one I would satisfy whether she approved or not. He grabbed my hands, both of them in one of his, and he set the other on. My other senses were working on overtime as he collared the flesh around my right upper arm and steered me into the dark.
No one had ever touched me with that kind of authority and it puzzled me. Was I property or the object of desire, or was I both? But his hands were swifter. He clipped my searching fingers like wings as he maneuvered me back toward the bed and laid me down onto the mattress, lifted my two hands up and over my head. I could feel my wrists flush with the headboard levered down with his forearm. He must have double-swung his freed up left hand overhead before he cupped it between my legs and grabbed me where I was pulsing and afraid.
I was startled but not surprised. I felt his breath on my neck, cold as the night air and just as bracing. I counseled myself that love was equal parts pain and pleasure. The price of submission. I heard him retract his belt. Now that did surprise me. I wondered if he would strike me with it and I braced myself. Instead I felt his mouth flush against my ear. And love me or not, I was mighty afraid he had a knife raised above my belly that night ready to slit me from chin to chapel.
Now hear me and hear me good, I have never been the kind to go limp. Or give in without a fight, even if giving in is on my agenda. I pummeled on his back. It was too late for talking this man down to size the way Clarice had taught me. Billy Ray Jones had been short on words, Ricardo Valdez refused all save the ones that suited his will. He must have kissed me that night but that tenderness was never his currency so his kisses were easily forgotten. As I shook my head and hair out from under the cloth, light glimmered under the door and I caught sight of the silver scar on his right cheek, wound like a worm in its folds and I reached for it.
He was quiet. He felt me seeing him and it stilled him.
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And that was the moment I might have changed the course of this night and every other beyond it, I might have snuck out from underneath, but I was too curious, yet again. It killed the cat and it darn near killed me too. Asking for him, inviting him inside. Ricardo was an intruder by nature, not a guest. Rough love, will end up hurting you, stopping it is up to you and some never care to. Love is a free country after all! No the jitterbug and the Texas swing were never my idea of dancing, never would have been, even when the good folk of Lubbock allowed it.
My dancing was Latin. He had exhausted himself and given me his full weight to carry on my slighter frame. And there she was in the doorway, in her blue quilted housecoat and matching muumuus. My mother. Her face a yellow study all its own. And for one blessed moment I thought she was going to run to me, pry me out from under him, swaddle me up and steal me away to safety. What Lucille May was short on was instinct. I wish it was. But I wanted her to restrain herself, just this once and to lean forward and take up my slack up herself, to tell me I was just a child really, a precocious spoiled child with a head full of nonsense, a fool who knew nothing about love or life or men and especially about myself.
She could have explained the big mistake I was making in no uncertain terms, and I would have listened to her—even if I had to repent and be saved as many times as she required of me, though raised as she was a Lutheran, the Church of Christ was never to her liking. Darker-skinned were another breed and he must have figured out already that noble born or not in the Panhandle, he fit that sad description. I am an honorable man.
Ricardo was ever the opportunist. Maybe he reckoned Jimmy Cunningham would pay richly to preserve honor all around, but my mommy double bluffed him there. What was her meaning? That my daddy might marry me off to the likes of Judge Harris? I was a hot-damn looker, the old judge said. Told my daddy he should lock me up and throw away the key. If I were twenty years younger, Jimmy. Why you can have her now, my daddy said.
Git her off my hands. I folded my arms and ripped into my mother with my eyes hoping she was smart enough to read the contempt I held in. For not fighting for my mortal soul. For I knew that I would never see her again. I knew that was the best she could do. My Zorro, my latin lover mumbled, like a cowhand, like a sorry tobacco-chewing cowhand. My mother reached into the pocket of her gown and pulled out a twenty- dollar bills. She held them out at arms-length the way she had the keys. Maybe he had it colored that night with drugstore dye.
Now Clarice would have called him to account, demanded he tell me his age and provenance. Lucille May meant what she said about packing everything I could into one suitcase, I was sure to pick up my high heels from the floor and my makeup case from the bathroom. I took her perfume too. At least I had one good dress, hose, a high quality girdle and lingerie.
And I was darn well using them to my advantage. As Ricardo crossed her threshold for the very last time, he turned to my mother. Very soon. He was to change his Christian name from Ricardo to Richard and finally to Richmond but he never let go the Valdez. And there was a finer man who wore it better. A country singer once said there no sight like Lubbock, in your rear-view mirror. A drive by on our route south.
I hear they allowed music in Lubbock a few years after I left. I hear women consumed it in public and no one blinked an eye. I wonder if my mother did in her later years. Maybe she quit sleeping pills and took up booze. And then his first expression of amusement since we left the mighty Caprock behind. Around dawn I told him I needed a break—I was wrung out from the emotion of that night and the blaze inside me had been set and wanted fueling.
I wanted proof, I suppose, it had been worth the trouble. We pulled up at the Fiesta Motel, in Big Springs. The man on the front desk smirked as he. I was hiding my hands in my pockets to disguise the fact I had no ring. He knew. The clerk was staring directly down my cleavage. He must have viewed the situation like my mother had, thought I was a whore and they might as well collect some of the cash from my sinning. He shaped up anyway and gave us a full size room at the front.
I told Ricardo it was my red hair always set them off like a firecracker. But he was frowning and too sullen to be lifted. I had to learn it. The bed was a matrimonial. I lay face up on the Cherokee patterned spread stretched both arms toward him as though to gather him up and pull him down toward me.
I was waiting on the airlift easing of his leather belt from his belt loops, but there was no time or grace on this occasion. There was sufficient bang to kill a rooster, all two minutes of it, but the wham was, sorely missing. And sore I surely was from all his breaking and entering behavior. I looked for Ricardo, for my Latin lover who was vanishing before my eyes, all the romance leaving his face as he pulled his pants back high up in his crotch, like my daddy did and fastened his belt, two notches too tight.
Shame I had to find it elsewhere. And I did. As I said, pride has always been my strong suit. Love me Tender was playing on the car radio my daddy had installed in the pickup on my insistence. Elvis Presley. Ricardo sure knew where to find me, I thought, when it came to music, but I was jumping to conclusions yet again.
He grimaced, but he listened to me. He drew up far enough ahead of the Dairy Queen so that only the back of his head could be seen from inside.
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I took my time. I faced myself in my mirror and talked myself down. So quit your bellyaching and fix your face. And I confess I enjoyed the sour taste of Ricardo Valdez long after he stopped kissing me. He was my lawful wedded husband, shotgun marriage or no. Any woman worthy of her sex longs to satisfy herself in wedlock.
My mama, for all her failings was that kind. But after that night in the Fiesta Motel Ricardo Valdez never loved me again as a husband should. We went through with the wedding. Of course. Once we hit Eagle Pass a tobacco- chewing judge married us in the courthouse in under ten minutes, store-bought ring and all. Always listens to both sides of a story when it comes to immigration law. The bridge over the Rio Grande was more impressive than the river itself, even in those days when it was a single lane with no railway bridge beside it.
Ricardo smirked. The waters will wash away the Kickapoo settlements in the flood plains along with the migrants. What alien creatures lurked beneath their surface? Was my husband one of them? The Border Guard on the bridge stepped out of his booth long enough for me to observe the beer gut hanging over his belt. The jowls. The porky eyes. Anyone is free to enter Mexico, and to leave it whenever they want to. Ricardo scowled, like he would at any request I made, then demurred, like he always did soon after. That was our particular two-step.
He got a promotion while I was away at the. King Ranch, and they never promote Border Patrol to the service. They are guards not officers, not the same class. Like Indios and Mexicans. His office is behind the check point. So I stepped out the car. I remember the breeze from off the river whipping up my skirt, I remember the feel of fresh air, and I remember Rusty Wilkes, compact as he was, ambling out of his office.
Reminded me of my daddy too, before he lost his style. His face was deep-lined from the sun, a lean face some might call homely, or haggard. Mine for the taking. She has no tongue, but she bites. She appears toothless but she has back teeth that cut like fangs. Keep your distance, unless you want her to steal your soul. Loba was no midget with an over-sized head. Loba was a miniature. Perfectly formed.
No dwarf in a freak show, more an old world china doll. Every part of her was in proportion from her scuffed up patent leather shoes, her faded, calico dress, her button-featured face with its midnight stare through to the top of her head with its frizz of off-white hair, spun like powdered sugar. True her mouth was a bare-faced line, but a quality lipstick could pencil in an oxbow on top and a passable bottom lip, a beauty mark to create some allure perhaps but she was already alluring to me. I was never a fearful child who cowered in company or hid behind trees, except from Judge Harris and his leering ways.
And that was good sense, not nerves. So I stepped toward her, and she folded over to take a better look at me. We were like cats sizing one another up. Eye to eye, her mouth parted to expose rotted toothless gums falling off into a black pit. She was grotesque just as Ricardo said. The next thing I knew I woke to moonlight with a mind all its own, blood red, where it filtered through the drapes softening to pink crepe as it crept closer to my body.
Meanwhile, something sickly and sweet as bubble gum was settling into the bowl below my ribs. I was proud of my curves, and I showed them off. But tonight I was fretted with shame. Someone had undressed me and put me to bed and no one ever had since I was a helpless infant. I looked down at myself. My cleavage had sure been put to sleep with the rest of me, and the push up bra that had supported it all the way from Sweetwater to Maverick County. Muslin, spinster cloth, only fit for sewing shrouds. Someone had indeed dressed me up as a corpse. Or was I already dead but not yet buried?
Perhaps I had been murdered and Ricardo my assassin? After all, my mother believed the darker the complexion the more violent the disposition. Just to see what death was like. It had too much life in it. But maybe this time death had got the better of me? I looked around this eerie room with its antique furniture, a plum-colored wingback with a red velvet footstool as old-fashioned as the bedposts, the heavy throws weighing me down, the beaded lampshade on the bedside table, a fixture for a light bulb but no bulb, and a cord hanging loose.
Maybe eternity was a gothic waiting room where the newborn and the newly dead traded places, and here I was waiting on His judgment as to which direction I was headed, north or south? I had grown up in a morgue, so I knew my way around. I spied my nylons sprawling over the back of a chair like legs all their own looking for a body. My push up bra must have been hidden in a drawer. My underwear too. The same someone who took them off me most likely put them away. Out of spite. Or envy. My darling polka-dot dress? My heels too. But at some hour of this godless night someone else, more practically-minded, had lit a kerosene lamp and left it on the sill.
The wine-colored drapes bellying out with the slow-moving air were dotted with pinholes, too small for moths. But something had chewed on them for sure. Close to the bed was a pitcher of water and a chamber pot. No indoor plumbing south of the border. Primitive is as primitive does. I imagined he must have held it in for days until Clarice fed him liquid paraffin to bust the dam.
No wonder he grew bitter toward her. With a gun or without. But in the absence of either, I closed my eyes and waited on Jesus or the morning—whichever one came first. This time I swear, I let out a shriek fit to stop a rattler in his tracks. And then Loba stepped out from behind the drapes and stood there grinning.