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I am getting married Saturday actually and this hits right at home to how I am feeling. I laughed the whole way through. My parents also would love to meet your parents as they have often said all of these similar things. Thank you for sharing, for giving me joy, and for reminding me what my commitment on Saturday is about. Such a great post! Thank you so much for your insight and experience! For now, I suppose I need to focus on my relationship with God and work on drawing my validation and happiness from Him.
I would be putting intense pressure on my wife causing major stress and grief and compromising my relationship with God by placing my hope in someone other than Him. Incredibly important to remember we find our joy and happiness in The Lord. When tend to get burned real quick when we put the responsibility of our joy on our spouse. I totally agree that we need to take more ownership of our choices as Christians.
If the argument is that Jeremiah was meant for a particular people for a particular time, whats the scripture did her Dad give, or what revelation was he given to state as fact that God actually has no plan for you or who you are to marry? Where is the basis of such a claim? Does God rule in the affairs of men or not Daniel ? We have free will to conform to Gods will or not.
But to go against scripture under the words words spoken by her father that cannot be biblicaly, proven, I respectfully disagree. Yeah, I have to disagree with that part as well. God DOES have good plans for us. They just may not be the plans we think i. Maybe it would be better to spend our time seeking Him and then those plans will fall into place more easily, without us trying to manipulate everything to go our own way.
Therefore, her father is not going against scripture by saying those things. If he did mind, it would be in the bible. Just like if he did mind who you married, there would be more instruction about it in the bible. If you wait for a scripture to give you every answer to everything in life you are going to be waiting a very long time.
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The bible is not there to answer every question for us. It gives us general rules and guidelines to live by and we are to use those to guide our decisions in all areas of our life. If we are to know what God wants for us, we are to look to the bible. Beyond the requirement that your spouse is a believer, the bible is silent on any other requirements in a spouse. Yes there are things that are a good idea and beneficial. But required by God to identify a specific partner he has chosen for you? This is definitely going to stir the pot for some and encourage others to reassess their hearts and intentions.
As always remember Relationships Do Matter and God bless. Love this!!! Growing up in a family that really believed in what you are referring to above was tough. I thought I had messed it all up. I need to save this for my kids! Thanks for writing this! Most of the time, loving him is the easiest thing in the world, but every so often I have to close my eyes, take a deep breath…and choose to stay in love. While I love my man dearly, I will not pine away without him.
I am actually my own person, surprising as that may be…. I appreciate you sharing your story and encouraging people of all stages of life to recognize the daily choices it takes to make a marriage work, our society can be finicky and restless and out of touch with commitment and perseverance. I do however want to raise a question about some of what you said about Jeremiah Only in recent years has my prayer life grown as I have trusted God to act in powerful ways and to be truly prospering me when it certainly would seem in the worlds eyes I am failing.
So for the single and married person, I would say Jeremiah is still relevant, because I do believe the one who knows when I rise and lay down and the one who perceives my thoughts and made me and goes before and behind me, surely he has a plan for whether I will marry or not and either possibility will be for my ultimate prospering.
I am wondering how children fall into this theory. Would I have ever been created had it not been for their union? I think of my ex-husband, who I yolked myself to through a lust filled evening that resulted in a teen pregnancy, and eventually marriage, and two more children…. Did God not intend for that union no matter how painful it was to occur? I know he called my ex-husband to follow Him for those 12 years and still does to this day , and the result of his infidelity and abuse is the reason for our divorce.
God created Eve for Adam. He created one woman, rather than several for Adam to choose from. In the same way, He creates us for His purposes and many of us to be a help-mate to another. I am now engaged to a very godly man who, through his life experiences, has been prepared for the responsibility that is involved in becoming a father to children who are not his own. Likewise, He has prepared me for the man I am choosing to marry and spend my life with. I do agree with what you are saying- life is a series of choices and it is up to us to include and glorify God in those.
However, I believe he does create us for marriage, or singleness and guides our life to encounter those who He intends for us to meet and unite with. It all goes back to creation and babies…and His sovereignty. He knows the plans He has for us. However, I have studied this topic for awhile now and, as someone whose marriage started and ended similar to yours, I believe that God does give us free will; however, within that, I believe He wants us to stay within His laws and stay close to Him to make the best choices for us listen to the GPS example mentioned above.
I did not do that, unfortunately. I lived with my boyfriend prior to marriage. To say that my marriage ended in devastation for my children and me is an understatement. In my opinion, no. He gives us free will and then we reap what we sow when we disobey. I also believe in the scripture that says everything works for the good for those who love Him.
Prior to that, my children and I ARE going to suffer as a result of my sin! So, yes, I do believe what Hannah is saying… we are going to take responsibility for our choices one way or another… good and bad. Now, your post HAS challenged me to look at my views in light of our predetermined destinies… I am now motivated to dig deeper into His word and ask God to show me the answers. The first married and died, and having no children left his wife to his brother. So too the second and third, down to the seventh.
After them all, the woman died. In the resurrection, therefore, of the seven, whose wife will she be? For they all had her. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven. The linked blog post perfectly explains my current views on love and marriage from a biblical perspective. In the southern baptist church, they like to teach everything opposite of what you said. How do I choose every day to love him as I promised to, when I so regret marrying him for the wrong reason instead of trusting that God would provide for my needs?
Jess, I hope these verses help: 1 Corinthians NIV 12 To the rest I say this I, not the Lord : If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
May God grant you peace in your marriage and reveal Himself in a real and life-changing manner to your husband! If your husband is willing to be your husband then now is the time to trust the LORD to provide what you need to be his wife! Read your Bible, find out what it says to wives and by faith choose to obey it. Own that your issue is really between you and God—do you think He is big enough and powerful enough to put a genuine respect and love in your heart for your husband?
He is the author and finisher of our faith—faith itself is not a work that we do, God puts it in us and it moves us to do good works—like obeying the commands in the Bible because we love Him and understand what He did for us. Praying for you…. However, as always if I search the Scriptures long enough, I see more clearly that there are no contradictions. What is it that strikes that perfect cord? And it points directly back to Christ—this is exactly what He modeled for us. I think that there are some good observations in here but there are also some incorrect conclusions presented.
I feel that there are too many contradictions. The way this article is written makes it sound like it is entirely up to us.
Are you completely negating that? Honestly, it depends. What God desires for one person is different from the next. He will lead us to whomever we will marry. Even if we are 4 years old, there is someone out there for us to marry and God knows it because He is all knowing. That is if we are listening to Him along the way. Of course there are people who plunge ahead headstrong and mess up their lives completely…and miss out on much of what God intended. I feel like this article disregards this perspective entirely. Yes we are not robots and a product of only forces beyond our control heading toward the illusive soulmate, but we are not abandoned floating islands either, left to make a bunch of guesses through trial and error.
I feel like this article is not balanced in this regard. But most people DO get married and marriage is part of His divine plan and my daughter would have to seek God to find His specific plan for her. Thank you — you took the words right out of my mouth! Thank you for articulating my thoughts so poignantly! After all, God chose Eve specifically for Adam. Do we not believe in a Holy Spirit who is IN us, leading us?
Should we also take credit for our holy lives, since our actions are our own choice? Yes, marriage is about making a commitment, but God is always sovereign. It is the height of arrogance to think that we can ever know His plan for us, not to mention how extremely self-centered and egotistical it is to think that any of our choices can take us away from anything He wants us to experience. As a teenager, I was one of those youth ministry kids; I did bible studies and youth groups, went to church every Sunday, I even attended several Christian youth retreats.
As I grew older I started to question that path, and eventually began to stray away from it. I made choices that I now know were mistakes, and I probably did mess up my life pretty badly. But the thing is, I learned from those mistakes. Those mistakes made me a stronger and smarter person, they helped me to become the person I am today. Now, looking back at it, I doubt if that first path was ever what God intended for me, even though I was convinced that it was exactly what He wanted.
I feel like He brought me so much more that I could have ever imagined for myself. Sorry about the long response, but that particular comment struck a very personal chord, and I felt compelled to share my thoughts. From scripture we can glean that God intends sanctification—a continual growth in holiness for every believer. I believe that like in Eden, He offers us choice. But God is a God of grace.
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His desire for us is always to love and seek Him with our lives. Yet he Has given us the choice to do so or to walk away and miss out on enjoying fellowship with him during those times in our lives. But, as in your life, and I think most of us can testify as well, He mercifully uses our disobedience and sin for GOOD. We should certainly be a grateful people. It is always a balance. Trust God and do your part. Micah First time reader that also found you via Facebook here…this is awesome!
The concept of soul mates never really sat well with me, and you did a great job of articulating lots of the reasons why. Totally on point. So why am I thinking if breaking up with him? Is there something wrong with me? Is that out of fear Rose, or do you feel it is something tangible and real? Have you taken this to prayer to the Holy Spirit?
First and foremost seek wisdom from God. I think you should go with your gut feeling on this. I agree with Rick, Rose. Bathe this decision in prayer! Seek out a pastor or minister in your church! This is a HUGE decision and feelings can not always be trusted, either way. I know two people that broke it off for this purpose and one is happily married now and the other well on the way relationship going great! I also agree with Amanda, however.
Otherwise, it is like lying to him every time you see him, if you think about it. It is inevitable not to wonder whether or not you made the right decision, whether or not you missed out on something. These words fit that situations to a T. They make me feel as if there was no possible way I could have missed out on a single thing, because I chose to stay in love. From one Hannah to another, I am so thankful for these words! I LOVE your advice and perspective. Thank you for sharing!!! He also knew that it would be difficult with the trials we have been given and I am allowed everyday to continue to choose to love my husband even through trials.
I just happened upon this through facebook, and I have to say it was hard for me to relate. I went to church as a little girl and met the Lord very young. In high school I hardly ever went. No purity ring for me. Yet, I had extremely powerful moments with God as he fathered me. He spoke to me in a nearly audible voice which has happened only a few times in my life when I was Again, God encountered me; this time it changed my life. I had never felt the kind of love that poured down on me.
I was overcome and undone. I knew that neither I nor my baby belonged to myself.
And here I agree with the author—I made a choice. I chose to follow God the best I knew how. I trusted him to make it work. I told my parents, left college, got married, and had a baby. My spiritual life has been a beautiful unfolding since that moment. In eight years of marriage, I experienced unfathomable verbal abuse, a spouse addicted to drugs and alcohol, financial turmoil, infidelity, and the loss of a baby. My heart was torn open. Christ was with me every step.
Every so often he reminded me that this is his plan. But, he allowed me to grow spiritually in ways I never would have had the courage to choose for myself. The past year and a half has been one of transformation. I have struggled to believe the storm is really over. I see the burden lifted off of this man, and in his eyes a deep gratitude. We love each other. We laugh all the time. Our kids are happy. People need more romance, more hope. I think they need to believe more profoundly in providence and the power of God.
Everyone has battles to fight. He is the God who goes before us and knows what we need before we ask. Bless Him. Losing the baby was probably the hardest thing spiritually because it was the least resolved. He knows everything about you. Not everyone will marry. Not everyone will live long enough to marry. But some are called to it, meaning it is planned for them. We will all do different things and are given different gifts. Thank you for sharing your story, your perspective rings true.
We are each individuals, and God is doing something different in each of our lives. Thank you Randa! Sorry it took me so long to realize I had a follow-up comment. I appreciate your kindness and encouragement.
And I very much agree with your last statement. K, I hope this post is received the way it is meant NOT judging or saying I have all the answers for sure! I think what was key in your post different from my situation is that you followed God the best you knew how! Too long of a story for here… but… I have been divorced 9 years and even though there was infidelity, etc, if I had to do it over… I would have stayed in there and fought for my marriage! The Bible says all we have to do is have faith the size of a mustard seed! I really appreciate your response, and I am sorry for what you have gone through.
The Lord would offer reassurance of his promises through glimpses of how my husband would be like Christ one day; sometimes others prayed for us and shared similar words from the Lord. God always let me know that it was HIM who was working on my husband. One of my greatest blessings was having fellowship with strong, faithful believers. I cannot take credit for the work of so many prayers and days spent seeking righteousness. I believe it was a season of my life which God used to shape me in faith, love, and humility, to help put my flesh to death, and to bring glory to Himself.
Please know I separated from my husband when things were especially ugly. My comfort was scripture about separating your fellowship from the unrepentant and the intense presence of God I felt in those days. It was during this time that we lost the baby. In the days that followed God was so near I could almost point to where he was standing beside me. It was marvelous. After reuniting and a brief period of sobriety, everything fell apart again. I was more than stunned this time; I was mad. I assured him he would get before God and get free, or we would never be a family again.
Nothing about this process was easy. I too contemplated divorce and resolved that God would have to solve this problem. I do not judge you for what you have suffered. One of the biggest things for me has been to get free from the influence of the enemy who torments us by stealing, killing, and destroying our peace, joy, hope, faith, our belief that God cares about and forgives us, that Christ really wants what is best, and that the Father loves us like crazy—HE DOES! He wants to bless us. The book of Job can be so confusing unless we see this.
One thing I can say is that God answers prayer. I am reminded of when Jesus said to basically not stop asking until you get it in the story of the persistent widow. On the other hand, I had to allow myself to let go of the son I lost so God could heal my grief. We live in a world caught between kingdom and fallenness. Still, I will always push for the kingdom given the choice. I will pray for you Cheryl. I believe God has great things around the corner for you, Bless you! I loved this post. I think about those that have lost husbands or wives young in their marriage and then remarried….
God gave us marriage in order to show us how Christ loves His bride, the Church. This article is too cynical. Fellas, be a white knight, or better yet, be like Christ and give her every last ounce of your strength. I do not know Hannah, but I truly think her heart is in the right place and she wants to help others this area. Marriage ended in disaster — for my children AND me! ALL I need is God! There is a divorce epidemic in our culture, so I think we ALL need to learn more about it! But really, I love everything you shared here, and have recently had my eyes open to similar things that have been ingrained into my being as a result of being a church kid.
The intention is good, but its off just enough to keep us from [[rreeally]] living life, a l i v e! The will of God is open to way too much speculation and interpretation. Of course God cares about the details of your life. He had multiple wives, mostly for political reasons and sex. God meets us where wherever we choose to go, in every decision. I hope everyone reads it. I totally relate to the teenage version of you. I was that way until college when I finally broke free of it. He had a really hard time understanding me at first.
Kudos, eprops, and virtual high fives to you. Oh and ps. That was my two cents. It was cultural. Also, specifically, the way the second point is stated. Not sure if that is how you meant it. I feel the same way. Life takes you on paths and God grants you your path and knowledge and ultimately you chose. I was once told that being in a marriage was like perusing a degree.
I feel that as you continue to grow, your souls grow together making you soul mates. Beautiful post. We cannot change other people, we need to know prospective mates weaknesses and strengths and use good judgment as to your compatibility with your prospective other. If they drive you crazy when you are getting to know them; it is a sure thing that they will be wrong for you.
It is necessary for you to be willing to be thoughtful and kind and that they do the same. Every day should be spent finding new ways to make your relationship last for now and forever. It really does come down to the question of pre-destination vs. But I think the answer of these two extremes is somewhere in the middle.
So I partly agree with you and partly disagree. The key lies in being led by the Holy Spirit. We DO have the choice, about all kinds of things: where we live, who we marry, our career choice, etc. But just because we make a certain choice with our free will does not mean that it was one that He wanted.. So, when it comes to deciding who to marry or any other major decision , we are supposed to take it to God in prayer, and His Holy Spirit will guide us to the right decision. One of the most amazing experiences I had in my life was when I heard the Holy Spirit speaking to me directly, about several things, but one thing He told me in specific was that He had someone waiting for me, but that it was not anyone I knew.
Reblogged this on silhouettesofcolor. Saying the contrary is just unbiblical. You cannot say that Scripture says God does not have a plan for a marital partner for us when the evidence in Scripture says otherwise. Nobody can say what plans God has and what knowledge He possesses for our lives, not even you. I believe the entire basis of her thoughts is a false doctrine. Hi Hannah. Beautiful post! This is silly. This feeling when you know someone is the one is so much different than it being readily available to several different people that happen to come along. I could be happy with someone else, but it would never suffice, it would only make due.
Choosing to love through tough times, tough decisions and tough arguments is a real and important thing to do. All relationships take work and commitment on all levels. Then what?? Hannah, thank you for your thoughts and honesty. It is refreshing for one a little further up the road to see this level of maturity and transparency. Many Christian singles are going into later parts of life without marriage. Some may need a refresher in what matters most- full abundant Christ centered lives — single or married. Fellow Christians, when approaching forums or blogs it is best to address the issue not the person.
Christ would have pointed to the issues, not re-labeled or tag the person with perceived personality flaws or harsh words. I am so thankful for this post, I have read on different opinions of the soul mate…. Reblogged this on illecebrousworld. I believe that we can be spousal soul mates with more than one person not at the same time, lol.
That there is more than one person in this world with whom we can have a loving, fulfilled Godly marriage. However, I do believe that God has plans for all of his children. And He gives us choice. And I want you to trust me and love me enough to allow me to guide you.
And who determines that. Does He trust the second person more to let them make their own choice? Does he care more about the first person? Does he have a specific plan for the first couple that causes him to intervene so directly and dramatically in their lives, but not such a specific plan for the second couple? Your story is your story and it is valuable in debunking some of the myths about marriage. I would say that your story is not truth for every christian couple.
Why that is, is a mystery. I know that our responsibility as Christians is to ask God to lead and direct us in EVERY choice that we make, including choosing a spouse. I also know that common sense, education, and wisdom does not always lead to the right choice, meaning the choice that God would have us make. Sometimes God wants us to make a choice that makes no sense even to christians. Our job is to pray, pray and pray for His leading and for His will to be done in our lives. And to obey. Celia, I think I agree with you! God communicates in different ways with his Different children.
I know that God wanted me to go to a specific college over the other two I had in mind. And I am so grateful I went to that college, because that is where I met my husband! I knew I had come across him when I prayed about marrying him and God gave me the same overwhelming peace He did when I picked a college and many other life-altering decisions. God made us differently and He talks to us and reveals His plans in different ways. As a dreamy guitar playing worship leader, I thoroughly dislike this post.
I totally agree with your thoughts. I believe the idea of choice is so much more powerful than if things were scripted up in a divine fashion. I think in our childhood we just get swept away with the idea of how Jesus cradles us into his bosom and wants us so badly. Two people to choose each other is powerful. That even though there is a choice to give up or stop loving, one continues to choose to love til the end.
Your dad sounds like my dad! I LOVE this. It would be like a two-dimensional drawing on a piece of paper trying to contemplate an object that at once looks starkly like a triangle, but at another glance must certainly be a square. A third-dimensional being would lovingly chuckle at the simple creature who, unbeknownst to him, had been contemplating an actual pyramid all along, wrecked with anxiety over labeling it as either one shape or the other.
If only that two-dimensional creature could comprehend the true beauty of the object it beheld—which not only is BOTH a triangle and square, but is more stable and substantial than either shape is on its own. In regards to finding a spouse, I think our God loves us, he wants to bless us, and he is intimately acquainted with every aspect of our life. We small-minded humans, much like that two-dimensional creature, can only hope to experience His overwhelming truth and complex beauty in glimpses that simultaneously bewilder, humble, and comfort us.
Our lives, our choices, and his interaction with us must be to him some of the most beautiful, multi-dimensional works of art that ever existed! He is the God who wants what is best for us, wants us to be happy and fulfilled, and yes we do get to make choices! I loved to photography and the stories, the good and beautiful moments captured there.
And like with many others before me, laughter, even tears. When did that happen? I pray that God will show him his weakness and His strength, and that he would learn to love well. I think a lot of what was said here is very needed. However, the idea of soul mate is not a completely un-Biblical idea.
God Chasers. Tommy Tenny. Publisher: Destiny Image Publishers , This specific ISBN edition is currently not available. View all copies of this ISBN edition:. Pursuing the Lover of Your Soul Does your heart yearn to have an intimate relationship with your Lord? Book Description : A God chaser is a person whose passion for God's presence presses him to chase the impossible in hopes that the uncatchable might catch him. About the Author : Tommy Tenny is a prolific author with more than one million books in print each year, and eight best-selling titles to date.
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